TikTok creator @agoldenway shared a video explaining behaviors that toxic parents may pass off as normal. The creator said that when parents repeatedly engage in these behaviors, they are not showing discipline, love or concern; they are exercising control. The video, shared Jan. 17, had received 499,900 likes at the time of publication.
The creator began by saying that some parents act as though certain behaviors are normal when they are not. The first example involved an adult child making a decision their parents did not agree with and suddenly being labeled selfish or accused of hurting their parents. “Somehow, their discomfort becomes your responsibility. That is not guidance; that is manipulation.”
The second behavior, according to the creator, is when parents refuse to apologize but continually expect their children to accept that they are only human. “You’re told to forgive, to move on, to be the bigger person while they stay exactly the same.” The creator added that being a parent does not excuse a lack of accountability. She said these behaviors are not normal or healthy.
The TikToker said that if these patterns were part of someone's childhood, they may have had toxic parents. “Toxic parents don’t look scary. They look familiar.” She concluded by telling viewers who had experienced these behaviors that they were not alone or crazy.
The comments section included accounts from viewers who said they recognized the behaviors. One commenter wrote, “‘Do you expect me to apologize for making a mistake? You’re being dramatic’ then they are mad when I don’t apologize or show a lot of guilt for an accident, then when I do apologize they get frustrated with the fact that I’m apologizing.”
Another commenter, who said they were 13, described wanting to switch from homeschooling to public school. They wrote, “im 13, I wanted to switch from homeschooling to public school, after I switched my mom told me im turning into a brat, and that im the same as when I was in public school before and told me that if I get im trouble even once shes switching me back to homeschooling for the rest of middle school and high-school and if she can help it collage.”
A third commenter described an incident involving their father and a locked bedroom door. “My dad was mad that I locked my door while I was CHANGING, he threatened to remove my door. I was 7 and he was in his 30s.”
A fourth commenter described telling their mother they wanted to die by suicide. They wrote, “I opened up to my mum, saying that I wanted to kill myself. She shoved me against the wall, strangled me, told me it was her fault that she was failing as a parent. Walks away, leaving me coughing and gasping for air. Goes to the kitchen and comes back with a knife. Then screams in my face that if I wanted to kill myself I should do it.”
The Daily Dot could not independently verify the events described in the video. The details above reflect @agoldenway’s account as shared on TikTok. The identities of the commenters have not been confirmed.
