A TikTok video shared by @sheispaigeturner, which has received an incredible 12.7 million views and 25,000 comments as of publication, describes what the creator calls the “silent killer” in marriages, especially those involving children. Paige said the issue almost led her to consider divorcing her husband. She said the only thing that changed her mind was his willingness to listen to her needs, respond intentionally and make an effort to contribute to her emotional needs.
Paige began the video by saying that she married her high school sweetheart and has been with him for more than 20 years. But during the period discussed in the video, after 16 years of marriage and the birth of four children, she was actually considering divorcing him.
She explained that his qualities as a husband are top tier: He's supportive, loyal, considerate, very engaged as a father and basically everything a wife could ask for. However, despite checking every box on paper, she said she found herself in a predicament that many other married women with stellar husbands may also find themselves in.
Paige explained that while she was appreciative of having such a wonderful husband, the demands of being a wife and mother had left her absolutely burned out. She explained further that many women, like herself, marry their life partners and go on to share loving and fulfilling relationships. But then, when children enter the picture, women can end up bearing a disproportionate amount of the mental and emotional pressure that comes with raising children and managing the household.
Viewers Relate to Her Struggle With Marriage, Motherhood and Mental Load
Paige said that a few months after the birth of their fourth child, she told her husband bluntly, “I need you to do more.” She was basically communicating that she needed him to step up and take more initiative in the affairs at home because it seemed as if she was single-handedly managing everything.
For example, instead of deciding on a meal, he would ask her what she wanted for dinner or what to pack in the kids' lunch kits for school. So, although he was physically helping, most of the mental pressure was still hers. But, being the stand-up husband he is, he told her to list the things she needed him to do, and he would do them.
One commenter said his response was a perfect example of what she wanted him not to do. She wrote, “Even the statement, ‘Ok, tell me what I need to do’ adds mental load in itself. I know his intent is there but it's like... SEE IT ON YOUR OWN.”
Nevertheless, Paige listed a few things that would help ease the pressure. She asked him to ensure the dishwasher was emptied, the dishes were put away and the trash was taken out before she came into the kitchen in the mornings. He agreed, but within a few days, he would forget, and she would often need to remind him.
Paige said her breaking point came one morning when she noticed the trash was overflowing and she couldn't find the baby's bottle because the dishwasher hadn't been cleared. She said, “I felt so disrespected, and unseen, and unvalued at that point in time.” When she confronted him about it, he apologized and said he was running late for work.
That's when she said she thought to herself, “What's the point of doing this with someone else? I might as well just do it alone.” This was when she considered getting a divorce from her husband. Paige explained that there wasn't a lack of love between the two of them; she just felt taken advantage of in their marriage.
The good news was that her husband was willing to make the adjustments needed to make life more manageable for her. Now that they've figured out a more balanced approach to their household responsibilities, they're much happier because things run much more smoothly.
In reacting to the video, a majority of commenters agreed that many women in marriages endure this pressure silently. One commenter wrote, "Even if the physical load is similar, the MENTAL load is a silent killer."
Another commenter, who claimed to be a counselor, said that wives should correct their husbands without the need to micro-manage them. They wrote, "Counselor here. What I see often is wife corrects husband so much he feels he cannot do anything right without instruction. Split the tasks and don't micro manage. If he fails, let it."
A separate commenter was actually a husband who said he listened to learn something. He wrote, "Stayed to watch the entire video to learn to be a better husband."
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the claims made by TikTok creator @sheispaigeturner, which are based solely on her personal account shared in the video.
