A doctor on TikTok named R.J., who goes by @drrussellledet on the app, shared a video answering an important parenting question: How should you talk to your children to set them up for success? His warning is simple: Tone matters.
R.J. says children raised in homes filled with yelling, bad attitudes and constant sarcasm can struggle to learn healthy ways to communicate with others. His video received 566,000 views and 863 comments.
R.J. says the tone used in conversations with children sets them up for how they’ll socialize with others. They learn from repetition. If they’re hearing disrespectful language throughout their homes, they’ll carry that behavior into their everyday lives. This can cause them problems at school, but also with their self-esteem.
When their parents do slip up, R.J says they need to apologize. No one wants to be spoken to poorly, and that means owning up to their own mistakes. Acknowledging when they use the wrong tone goes a long way. If they’re taught the importance of speaking positively and when they don’t, instantly making a strong apology, they’ll be set up for success.
He also recommends that parents think before they speak. If they feel themselves losing patience, they need to take a step back and think through their reactions. By taking the time to compose thoughtful words, they’re teaching their children to keep their cool even when they’re feeling frustrated.
Commenters Debate Whether Parents’ Tone Shapes How Children Communicate
Some commenters supported R.J.’s thoughts, while others wondered whether communication patterns can be changed after children have already been exposed to yelling or other negative behavior.
“Can a child unlearn a communication pattern if the parent stops. Also realistically how long would that actually take before a child models the parents ‘new and calmer’ communication pattern?” one commenter asked.
Another wrote, “How do I help my daughter who goes from 0-100 over nothing? Something falls, the world is ending and she’s crying. I want her to know her feelings are valid but I also want her to know little things are not worth getting THAT emotional over.”
R.J. responded by encouraging parents to be a safe space for their children.
Not everyone agreed with the idea that parents should always maintain a calm tone. Some parents said their children do not respond until they raise their voices.
“But they don't listen the first 4 times I ask in a nice tone until I start yelling...” one commenter wrote.
Another added, “I’m not asking nicely 5 times, sorry!”
Others agreed wholeheartedly with R.J.’s message.
“Saying sorry after you get mad is wildly helpful. We all get mad but don’t let them sit in your anger,” one parent wrote.
Another commenter echoed the sentiment, writing that it is difficult when their children ignore the first few requests and only respond after they raise their voice.
While the comments were mixed, many viewers agreed that the way parents speak to their children can have an impact on how they communicate.
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the claims made by @drrussellledet, and this article is based solely on the advice and statements shared in his TikTok video.
