Man Says He Lost His Girlfriend After a Drunken Mistake. He Now Wants to Change, but the Internet Has Some Hard Truths for Him

A post shared about 22 days ago in the r/Regrets subreddit was made by u/Fearless-Pin-3055, who said that he had lost a relationship that was very important to him after getting extremely drunk, messaging another woman, and going to her street without telling his girlfriend. The OP said that he did not physically cheat but admitted that his actions went beyond acceptable boundaries and that lying about the incident made the situation worse.

The relationship ended after an anonymous Instagram account told the girlfriend what had happened. As a result, she went to the OP, picked up her things, and left. The user then said that the ex-girlfriend had blocked them on social media and other platforms as a result.

Even though the OP had not slept with the other woman, he admitted that gaps in memory made it difficult to reconstruct what had happened that night. He also understood why his ex no longer trusted his version of the events. The poster said that he had felt overwhelmed by guilt and had kept on asking himself how it was possible to have loved someone while acting in a way that put the relationship at risk.

He said that alcohol had contributed to many of their most serious mistakes. Following the breakup, he would at times resort to alcohol and drugs to escape their thoughts, only for the situation to become even more unpleasant afterwards. The OP added that they were doing counselling and were making an effort to stay sober while getting back into training and boxing.

Instead of asking for advice about winning back an ex, the user wanted to take responsibility for a decision he regrets without letting it define his whole identity. He said he also wished to find out why he has impulsive behavior and what genuine change means in a situation where there is no guarantee of reconciliation with someone he loved.

The post received more than 400 upvotes, as various commenters made the distinction between feeling remorse and earning back trust through consistent actions. A commenter who said they had gone through a similar situation explained that lying after having been confronted could do more harm than the incident itself; they remembered finding out that their partner had been messaging an ex and that the lies had made them doubt what other secrets they might be hiding.

A different commenter, who said they were the one who had hurt a former partner but was later forgiven, advised the OP to focus on personal growth instead of continuing to dwell on the relationship. They emphasized the need for honesty, accountability, and bringing about permanent changes, no matter whether his ex decides to return.

Some were more critical, saying that being intoxicated did not mean personal responsibility for the decisions that came before or after the incident. A number of them told the OP to respect their ex's decision and to stop repeatedly contacting her after she had set boundaries.

Yet another said that they had recovered from anxiety and impulsive behaviour and that therapy, meditation, journaling, and setting personal goals had been part of their recovery. They advised the OP to stop trying to always be hung up on their worst experience.