A TikTok creator, @palladiumpaladin, posted a video describing the current state of the dating scene from his perspective after spending years in a long-term relationship. He said that now that he is back to dating, his experiences have left him wondering whether dating has gotten worse. The video has received more than 235,000 views and 927 comments.
The creator, who goes by Caleb, said that after recently reentering the dating scene following a lengthy relationship, the only word he could use to describe his experiences was “WEIRD.” He explained that, from his perspective, flirting is not what it used to be.
@palladiumpaladin Do you guys think it’s always been like this or is this a worsening of how it’s always been? #dating #confused
♬ original sound - Caleb
Caleb said, “I don’t even know what flirting is nowadays… Everyone’s, like, speaking in these riddles to each other. And nobody knows what the other person is saying, and nobody really knows what they’re saying.”
He went on to explain that conversations seem to center more around sounding suave or maintaining a sense of mystery than simply communicating clearly and getting to know another person.
Caleb said that if you genuinely want to get to know someone by asking basic, everyday questions about them, you can be viewed as strange, as though having a normal and healthy conversation has become unusual.
Caleb Says Dating Feels More Performative Than Authentic
Caleb believes regular conversations and interactions feel so strange in the current dating scene because people are hyper-focused on their self-image. “I don’t know what it is… I feel like people are super hyper-aware and hyper-fixated on their self-image… In a way that, like, nothing really feels natural and authentic anymore,” he said.
He went on to say that conversations, interactions, and even people’s personalities seem increasingly curated and strategically presented, making dating feel more performative than natural.
From his experience, Caleb said many people appear more concerned with creating an aura of desirability and allure than simply showing up as themselves, flaws and all, and making a genuine connection.
He compared the experience to two people trying to see each other through mirrors, arguing that people are often presenting the version of themselves they want others to see rather than showing who they really are.
Caleb explained, “…Nobody wants to… date or get to know, like, how you wanna be perceived by the world. People wanna get to know you because that’s the person that they’re potentially gonna be involved with.” He continued, “It’s like trying to see each other through, like, mirrors, you know… You gotta see somebody through your mirror, looking at their mirror that’s looking at them.”
Reactions to the video were mostly in agreement with Caleb's assessment of the dating scene, with many commenters adding that a lot of people either have an avoidant attachment style or are afraid of rejection. One commenter wrote, "Everyone's afraid of rejection and thinks having any kind of vulnerability is cringe."
Another commenter said that people tend to hate starter questions, but that's how you break the ice and get to know someone. They wrote, "Everyone hates a starter question 'cause it's not 'deep convo' but, like, I don't know you! I'm gonna ask what your favorite book is because I'm trying to get to know you!"
A separate commenter added, "Everyone is wayyyyy too hyper focused on not being seen as 'eager' and it's crazy because if you like someone, you should want to be vulnerable, intimate. It's like all this awkward tension for absolutely no reason. Everything is about perception now."
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify Caleb’s observations about modern dating, which are based solely on @palladiumpaladin’s account shared on TikTok.
