A 27-year-old woman shared her account of being in a relationship with a partner she described as abusive and financially controlling. The couple has two young children. After describing years of difficulties in the relationship, she admitted to cheating on her partner and said she felt embarrassed about being labeled a cheater. The post was shared in r/ToxicRelationships on Nov. 2 under the title, “I [27F] cheated on my abusive partner [26M].”
The woman began her post by saying her partner had been abusive and financially controlling, but that they had been together for seven years. She said he had cheated on her with women on OnlyFans and had an addiction to watching pornography. According to the poster, that behavior stopped after a year, and she thought they would be able to move past it.
Recalling the birth of their first child, she said her partner was extremely neglectful and mean. She alleged that he slept on her hospital bed an hour after she gave birth, leaving her to sleep in a chair. “He was 0 support after coming home. I had severe PPD & PPA because of this.”
The woman added that her partner got her pregnant with their second child despite her being adamant that she did not want another child. She also said he had been consistently passive-aggressive, controlling, jealous and mean to her. “If I try to get a job, he sabotages in some way. Everything he says is always right, even if I straight up show him he’s wrong. He’s a consistent liar about anything that may prove him wrong. He is defensive over everything; I can’t voice my opinion. It’s just a lot.”
She said her partner did not consider his behavior abusive because he did not hit her or call her names. According to the poster, he also did not seem to care whether their children witnessed their arguments. She said their older child was now old enough to get involved in the disputes.
The woman also acknowledged behavior her partner had criticized. She said she sometimes wanted to go out and party with friends on weekends. “My children are always taken care of and never around me or any alcohol. My partner does not like me going out, and I admit that when I go out, I tend to get drunk and stay out late. Is this the most responsible thing? No, of course not. I understand that it’s not a necessity, but it is the only time I can get out of the house and just have fun. I’ve invited my partner multiple times, and he says no. I’ve invited my partner to just make plans with me at any point, and it’s also a no. He just wants to stay home.”
She added that she had gone out a couple of times in recent months and cheated on her partner. She said it was neither a drunken mistake nor something she regretted. “It felt like I had power over my partner and was just able to breathe for a second.”
The woman concluded by writing that she never thought that she would cheat and now felt embarrassed of being labeled a cheater. “I’m just not sure what to do in this situation. I’ve been a SA for years and don’t have a backup plan. I am terrified of him taking the kids, as he’s threatened to.”
The Daily Dot could not independently verify the claims made in the thread. The details reflect accounts shared by users in r/ToxicRelationships. The commenters’ identities have not been confirmed.
