A 30-year-old woman shared a lengthy post about her boyfriend of nearly 10 years, who hasn’t proposed to her. They have grown up together, watched each other get their degrees, and seen their friends get married and have kids, yet she feels their relationship has not progressed. The post, shared in r/relationships_advice, drew 85 comments as of publication.
The woman started her post by writing that she had been dating her boyfriend for 9.5 years. They met when she was 21, and they have been together since. The boyfriend has been going through a tough time recently after being laid off from his job five months ago. To add to that, his dog died, too, and he hasn’t taken any of this well. His severance pay was also running very low.
The woman said that her boyfriend had promised to get a new job but wanted to relax for a few weeks. However, several weeks had passed, and he still had not found one. The Reddit user felt that they would be in serious financial trouble soon. She said this made her feel that their relationship had not progressed in some time. Whenever she tried to bring up their future, he politely brushed it off, telling her that they would talk about it later.
The woman added that she had been dropping hints about getting engaged, but he had not picked up on any of them. She did not want to have kids when she was nearly 40. She revealed that they had been planning a big trip next year to celebrate their 10th anniversary but decided not to book anything until he had a secure job. Now, however, her boyfriend wanted to go on a trip with his guy friends, which would cost him at least £2,000. “ If he does that, then we won't be able to go on the trip we were planning.”
She said, “I'm feeling like we're together because it's convenient for him; he seems to prioritise his friends above me, and I feel like if he hasn't proposed by now, will he ever? I don't want to break up with him. I do love him deeply, and he isn't a terrible person. He is a kind, funny man, and he cares deeply for his friends and family. I just think he's put our relationship on the back burner.”
The woman concluded the post by questioning whether she was being stupid by staying with him and whether he ever wanted to take the next step. One commenter bluntly wrote, “If you're wanting to get married, forget it. He's comfortable the way things are. He doesn't sound very motivated to do anything. You need to sit him down and have a blunt, serious talk about the entire situation. If he's not interested in marriage, you're wasting your time.”
Another user wrote, “Why would he propose and get married? You are living with him, sharing finances with him, going on vacations with him. You are living the role of his wife in all but name; why would he change that?” A third user wrote, “Marriage doesn’t sound like a priority for him right now as it sounds like he’s dealing with some possible problems. However, it’s been 10 years, and if you haven’t sat down and had a discussion about marriage with him, explicitly saying he wants to, then move on. It’s been a decade.”
The Daily Dot could not independently verify the claims made in the thread. The details reflect accounts shared by users in r/relationships_advice. The commenters’ identities have not been confirmed.
