A TikTok video about how difficult it can be to get men to change is resonating with viewers, with one creator encouraging women to stop waiting for someone to become the partner they want. Posted by TikTok user @trinity.blair, who goes by Trinity, the video discusses why trying to change a man may be a losing battle — and why walking away could be the better option. At the time of publication, the video had garnered 407,900 views and 80 comments.
Trinity shares her advice while doing her makeup, opening with a comparison to a familiar kitchen task. “I would say asking a man to change is equivalent to trying to watch water boil,” she begins.
Trinity explains that she often receives direct messages from followers asking what to do when a man doesn’t like them or when their boyfriend does something they wish they could change. But, she says, getting someone to change isn’t that simple.
“Let me give it to you straight. If you sit around waiting for a man to change he won't ever change,” she advises.
She compares the situation to watching a pot of water: It can feel as though nothing is happening when you stand there waiting, but once you walk away, the water eventually boils.
According to Trinity, the same principle applies to relationships. Rather than spending time waiting for a man to change, she encourages women to step away and focus on themselves.
“It's the same thing with men. You say, 'oh, you won't change I'm gonna go you can go focus on yourself.' And when you come back if you come back he will most likely be changed because men don't really change unless they 1. want to; or 2. are forced to,” she says.
Trinity adds that if a man doesn’t want to date someone, there’s little they can do to change his mind. She applies the same reasoning to changing a partner’s behavior, arguing that investing energy in something beyond your control can ultimately hurt you.
“You you cannot force a man to do anything, so the last thing you should do is sit around and wait for him to change. Walk away from that water that won't boil and then if you do come back, it'll be boiled and you'll be 10 times hotter and more successful and more productive because you went and did other things instead of waiting for him to change,” she says.
TikTok Commenters Share Their Own Experiences With Men Who Won’t Change
In the comments, viewers thanked Trinity for the advice and shared their own perspectives on relationships. Several said they needed the reminder to stop waiting for someone else to change.
"If you don't like a man's actions, have a conversation with him about it, making it clear what changes you want to see. If he doesn't implement the change, leave him and find a new man who will make the changes you want," one user said.
"He's only going to change if HE wants too. My fiance gave up alcohol 4 months into the relationship but it was HIS decision bc he knew it's ruining his relationship and he didn't want to leave me," said another commenter.
Other users also expressed frustration at how difficult dating has become, with one asking, "My only requirement for dating is not to be toxic. Why is that so hard to find?"
Trinity’s message ultimately encourages viewers to stop putting their lives on hold while waiting for someone else to change. Instead, she suggests that walking away and focusing on personal growth may be more worthwhile than continuing to wait.
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the claims made by TikTok creator @trinity.blair, which are based on her opinions shared in the video.
