A TikTok video posted by @suzanneroxanne has sparked a conversation about how toxic marriages can affect friendships. The video, which had amassed more than 53,000 views and 52 comments at the time of publication, features Suzanne, a divorce attorney, explaining why she believes some women who tolerate toxic behavior from their husbands can end up holding their female friends to much higher standards.
According to Suzanne, she's encountered women who are willing to forgive their husbands for serious offenses but will hold onto resentment toward their friends over comparatively minor disagreements.
She argued that some women will forgive their husbands for infidelity or other serious behavior while refusing to extend the same grace to their closest friends.
“You will see a woman who forgave her husband for any kind of infidelity, whether it's a physical affair; he got busted with a p*** addiction,” Suzanne said. “Like, a woman will stay with him and take him back after that. But she'll hold a grudge against one of her girlfriends for something she said three years ago!”
One commenter said she recognized herself in Suzanne's description. She explained that she lost friendships while she was in an abusive marriage because she hid what was happening in the relationship.
“True, I was one of them. I lost all my friends shortly after the marriage because of my abusive marriage and hiding the abuse. I wasn't a good friend then,” she wrote.
Suzanne also offered another example, describing a woman who might accuse female family members of abandoning her during difficult moments while seemingly overlooking a husband who spends his days playing video games and contributes little around the house.
Suzanne Says Some Women Forgive Husbands but Punish Their Female Friends
Suzanne argued that women in unhappy marriages can sometimes become more lenient or passive toward their husbands while directing the resulting frustration toward the women in their lives.
She said this is one reason she doesn't want to be friends with women who repeatedly make excuses for men's bad behavior and continue taking them back.
According to Suzanne, these women may appear selfless to people on the outside because of their willingness to stay in difficult relationships. But she believes that, in some cases, the unresolved anger and resentment from those relationships can spill over into their friendships.
Suzanne also questioned what she sees as a double standard: holding female friends to strict standards while allowing a romantic partner to repeatedly violate their trust. “If a guy gets caught doing anything behind your back, he's already played in your face and you took him back,” she said. “It doesn't even make sense to hold your girlfriends to, like, this insane standard, when in your home is… your true enemy.”
A few other reactions came mostly from women who largely agreed with her take on the matter, and had their own experiences with female friends to share. One commenter explained what she thought of her friends while in an abusive relationship. She wrote, "When I was in an abusive relationship, it made me believe that everyone else in the world hated or at least didn't care about me. Partially because that's what he wanted me to believe, and partially because my brain was doing mental gymnastics to not confront the reality of my situation."
Another commenter said that her partner doesn't fall into the category of toxic husbands, and he instead set a high standard for her and her friends. She wrote, "I noticed this trend early and decided I'd do the opposite. My husband clears insane bars which is why I hold my friends to a high standard as well. And myself!"
