A post shared to r/CasualConversation on November 7, 2026, asks why adult friendships can feel superficial despite having people around. The post drew 802 upvotes and 183 comments at the time of publication.
The poster described coworkers they regularly saw and chatted with but doubted they would see again after changing jobs. Connections made at the gym or while going out sometimes led to shared activities, but rarely developed further.
Their childhood friendships remained close, although they no longer shared as many interests. Work also limited their opportunities to meet, making a monthly gathering a good outcome. “It feels so lonely and surface level sometimes,” the poster wrote.
They nevertheless described themselves as generally well-adjusted and clarified that they did not consider themselves lonely overall. The poster wanted more opportunities to develop deeper relationships in city life. Their concern included both newer acquaintances and longstanding friends whose schedules made spending time together difficult.
A commenter questioned whether crowded schedules always explained missed opportunities to socialize. “I live alone, I work 9-5, I workout [sic],” the commenter wrote. They listed a weekly hobby, caring for a cat, and managing household chores alongside their job. “[...] and I STILL HAVE TIME to hangout [sic] with my family/boyfriend or dedicate it to a friend who asks me out.”
The commenter argued that friendship required making time rather than simply describing oneself as unavailable. “People who are ‘busy’ just don't make time for friendships and then everyone complains about being lonely LOL.”
One reply described inviting one person before expanding an outing to others. “I don't know if this helps, but sometimes I just get one friend to do a thing,” a commenter explained. They would then check whether anyone else could join, without requiring everyone to attend.
“Usually we have a great time, and decide to do it again or do something new next time,” they wrote. Friends sometimes joined because they did not want to miss the next activity. “Or they come because they don't want to miss out. Or they don't come and nothing has changed.”
The commenter suggested paid workshops or tours as outings where an unsatisfactory experience could still become something to laugh about. They recalled taking babies to a play park advertised as suitable for them, only to find otherwise. “Went to get chips, found a different park and sent photos to the friend group of sad babies vs happy babies.”
A commenter recalled changing their habits after discovering that friends did not know how much they mattered to them. “I realized later in life that some of my best friends didn't realize how much I valued them,” the commenter wrote. They had made time for friends but had also spread their attention among many other people.
“It made me sad when I realized they didn't realize how much I loved them.” The commenter began sending more messages and staying in touch even when busy. “Sometimes a 3-minute phone call is better than nothing,” they wrote. In-person meetings also became opportunities for shared activities rather than just coffee and conversation.
“And you know what, it actually added up,” the commenter added. “And those relationships are so much richer now, and so is my life.” The change required deliberate effort over time rather than producing immediate results. “The grass is greenest where you water it, as they say?”
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the accounts described in this thread. The details above reflect the original poster's and commenters' accounts as shared on r/CasualConversation. Their identities have not been confirmed.
