People Share the Moment They Realized Their Marriages Could Not Be Saved: ‘All of My Vows to Him Had Become Weapons Against Me’

A post shared in r/AskReddit on Oct. 31, 2026, asks divorced people to name the moment they realized their marriage could not be saved. The post drew 20 upvotes and 45 comments at the time of publication.

One reply described how the commenter’s spouse dismissed their safe word. "I used the safe word and he looked right at me and said, 'You're just saying that so I'll stop,'" a commenter wrote.

The commenter said their ex-spouse told them that was not a good enough reason and kept going. "There were many other factors, but that shattered my worldview," the commenter explained. They realized none of their vows felt sincere anymore. "All of my vows to him had become weapons against me," the commenter wrote.

One Redditor described a separation that followed a long period of arguments. "She kept starting arguments with me," they wrote. The couple discussed separating, but the commenter doubted it would work because she would not try to reconcile.

Three or four months later, the commenter recalled, she started another fight. She came into the bathroom while the commenter was showering and said they needed to separate. The commenter answered in a Ross-from-Friends voice, "Fine by me." This happened two years after their wedding. She moved out five months later and never tried to reconcile. The commenter did not try either because of the fighting. "I moved on and now have been married almost 20 years," the commenter wrote.

Another commenter recalled their husband's response in a therapist's office. "Looking back, there were so many and deep down i [sic] realised, but refused to face it," they wrote. The commenter said they asked for a separation, and their husband suggested couples therapy.

After two sessions, the therapist told the husband he needed individual therapy. A few sessions into that, the husband told the commenter that he had said they did not trust him. The therapist asked whether he had ever given them a reason. He answered, "Only recently."

The commenter said their husband had been having emotional affairs for well over a decade, but they could not say whether any were physical. "What broke me was his lack of honesty," the commenter wrote. "Therapy only works if you’re willing to be honest with yourself."

One commenter described their last straw after years of counseling. "It wasn't any one thing, but of course there was a last straw," the commenter wrote. They said their spouse had "[...] anger issues, jealousy issues, control issues, and had BPD."

They tried to save the marriage for their children by reading books and attending individual therapy. They became a person who did nothing wrong so nobody could be angry with them. "It changed nothing," the commenter wrote.

Multiple therapists told the couple the spouse needed individual therapy. The last therapist ended the sessions after the spouse could not discuss their actions without blaming the commenter. The therapist said he recognized this as a waste of his time, the commenter wrote. Before the couple left, the therapist took the commenter aside and said, "God bless you, brother."

The final straw came after the spouse snapped at the commenter in front of other people. The Redditor walked away, but she followed and berated them. When they tried to explain how it felt, she answered, "None of this matters, because you're talking to other women anyways."

The commenter said that was never true. "She didnt [sic] really believe it and I know she didnt [sic]," they wrote. The commenter left and has not spoken to her since. "Big hurt. Big relief."

The Daily Dot was unable to verify the events described in this thread independently. The details above reflect the commenters' accounts as shared on r/AskReddit. The commenters' identities, usernames, and the people they describe have not been confirmed.