Men Who Struggled With Dating Share What Changed Their Approach: ‘Much Happier’

A thread posted Oct. 21 on r/AskReddit asks men who once struggled with dating what changed their approach. The thread drew 66 upvotes and 55 comments as of publication.

One commenter described stepping back from dating after a string of unsuccessful relationships. “I dont [sic] think most people fall into my exact situation,” they wrote. They listed their record as “Dated 23 women 17 cheated #23 super-cheated.” They said they realized they were happier without it, and “Got a great FWB, stopped dating.” “Much happier,” they added.

Another commenter described how hesitation about initiating affection shaped their relationships. They wrote, “I learnt to stop overthinking everything and just go for it. I would never make the first move, whether it was holding her hand or going for a kiss.”

They feared misreading the situation. “After 3-4 dates every woman I spoke to would move on.” After they realized their error, they began to take a more direct approach, making things "significantly" better. They wrote, “I almost immediately got into a relationship, and when that one didn’t work out I got into another one like a month later.”

Another commenter said relaxed, low-pressure conversations with many people worked better than targeting one person. They wrote, “Stop trying so hard and just focus on having fun. Don’t just talk to the women at the bar or party, talk to everyone. Don’t just straight up approach someone and ask them out.”

The commenter said they compliment a woman’s band or game shirt, with a line such as “Sick shirt! I actually saw Deftones at Riot Fest once and they put on a banger of a show.” They watch body language, such as whether someone is facing them or making eye contact. “Whatever the case, don’t act desperate,” they wrote. “[Y]ou’re there to have fun and socialize, not follow some cute girl around like a lost puppy.”

One Redditor described changing how they approached matches and adding a step before in-person dates. They wrote, “I stopped trying to woo everyone I matched with. It helped reduce a lot of the wasted time and by extension, the burnout that comes with that.”

The commenter’s main advice was “No date without a brief video call first.” They wrote, “A video call gives you some very important indicators up front.” Among their reasons, they said, “it will demonstrate that you value your time and that you’ve got standards (because you do).”

“Following this simple practice didn’t magically win me more girlfriends, but it certainly raised my success rate because it helped filter out time-wasters,” they added.

Another commenter described spending a decade on personal stability before beginning to date. They wrote, “I stayed single and spent 10 years getting my life together.” They said they managed anger, depression, and anxiety by improving other parts of their life, and that they “Worked on myself.” They credited their career, saying they “Became professionally and financially successful by climbing the ladder and investing.”

“Learned to be patient and happy,” they wrote. They also “learned to not sweat stuff and just ignore or walk away from situations that don’t benefit me or are unclear.” They said they dated five women, wrote that they “got into long term relationships with 2, the last being my wife,” and gave advice for anyone seeking marriage. “Don’t date before you’re ready and happy with yourself, and know what you want in life."

The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the accounts described in this thread. The details above reflect the commenters’ accounts as shared on r/AskReddit. The commenters’ identities and the relationships they described have not been confirmed.