Married People Share How They Deal With In-Laws They Can’t Stand: ‘Let Your Spouse Handle Their Own Family’

On Reddit, married people have shared how they manage difficult relationships with their in-laws, explaining that clear boundaries and support from a spouse can help protect a marriage even when everyone doesn't get along. The discussion began on r/AskReddit when user u/carcony97 asked, "Happily married people who can't stand their in-laws, how do you make it work?"

Commenters shared a variety of strategies, such as having spouses communicate with their own families or avoiding visits altogether. One widely supported approach was setting firm boundaries. A commenter said, "Keep boundaries firm and let your spouse handle their own family."

Another emphasized the importance of solidarity: "A united front with your partner makes all the difference."

For some, this approach allows spouses to maintain relationships with relatives independently. One commenter, for example, said their husband visits his family by himself because there is a lot of drama and they and their children have little to do with his relatives.

Some commenters also said that physical distance makes the situation easier. One Redditor explained that they had moved away and left their husband to manage his relationship with his family, adding that the distance was beneficial for both of them. Another said they had not seen their mother-in-law in more than a year and that their husband visits her from time to time when they return to town. Many others said they had limited contact to occasional visits and brief, courteous conversations.

Others said they had completely cut off contact with some relatives. One person said they had stopped communicating with both their brother-in-law and his wife and had consequently enjoyed "two years of peace." Another said their family had cut off contact with them nine years earlier.

Of course, cutting off contact is neither necessary nor feasible in every situation. One commenter suggested a more straightforward approach: "You don't have to love them, just keep things respectful." This view suggests that people can remain polite without feeling obligated to develop close relationships with their spouses' families.

Privacy was another recurring theme.

One commenter said spouses should avoid sharing personal details, such as medical information, with relatives. Another suggested limiting the information relatives receive about them and their children, as well as reducing visits and communication.

Some commenters also said women can face particular expectations in relationships. One complained that relatives expected them to take responsibility for managing their husband's family and that they felt scrutinized simply because they were a woman. Another said they had supported their husband after his abusive childhood and no longer tolerated disrespect from his relatives.