TikTok user @beccaxbloom shared a video explaining the art of being useless in a relationship. She explained how one person becomes selfless in a relationship and is always giving to the other person, thinking this will make the other person more attached, but the opposite happens. The video, posted on June 25, 2025, drew 14.2 million views as of publication.
The woman started the video by stating that, as women, when they love someone, their first instinct is to nurture them. She said that women in love do things to make their partners' lives easier. “We solve problems before they even become problems.” The idea behind this is that they think that if they are selfless enough, their partners will appreciate them and become more attached to them.
@beccaxbloom THE dating mistake almost every woman makes ??#relationship #dating101 #datingtips #datingtipsforwomen #advice
♬ original sound - Becca Bloom
However, the creator said that psychology suggests the opposite. Citing the example of a friend, the woman said that her friend used to make breakfast for her boyfriend every morning and even took out the trash. She thought that every act of service increased her value in the relationship. “What she didn’t realise was that every task was increasing her investment in him,” she said.
The creator said that researchers call this the Benjamin Franklin effect. According to this theory, when people do favors for someone, they end up liking that person more. “If I am willing to do this for someone, then they must be valuable,” she said.
The woman said that her friend thought that every time she helped her boyfriend, it would make him love her more. However, this was only making her more attached to her boyfriend. The creator admitted that many women, including her, accidentally do the same thing. She further added that women become so focused on proving their value that they eliminate any opportunity for their partners to prove their value.
One commenter wrote, “Feeling sorry for a man will be the beginning of your misfortune.” Another wrote, “The more you do for him, the more he loves himself; the more you do for yourself, the more he loves you." A third user wrote, “Watching this as my husband is doing the dishes after he cooked his own dinner because I ate earlier and didn’t prepare anything for him.”
The Daily Dot could not independently verify the events and thoughts described in the TikTok. The details above reflect @beccaxbloom’s account as shared on TikTok.
