A loving relationship isn't always a compatible one, says TikTok user Caleb, who posts on the platform under @palladiumpaladin. For him, a long-term relationship had to end because of incompatibility, which he says was difficult to come to terms with. At the time of publication, the video had 219,000 views and 198 comments.
"I wanted to talk about my experience trying to move on from a really beautiful and loving relationship that ultimately ended because of incompatibility," Caleb begins in the video.
This is something that happens a lot, he says, especially in first long-term relationships. It can be a confusing process, he adds.
In his experience, this can apply to any relationship, especially those that have a lot of chemistry at the beginning. But the beginning is often the best part because both people are willing to learn about each other and reveal new parts of themselves. While it feels good at the time, that feeling doesn't always last.
"I feel like after you've been together for a good amount of time, that's when incompatibility really begins to show itself," he says.
As people open themselves up and make space for each other in their lives, cracks can begin to form, ultimately leading to the crumbling of the relationship's foundation.
"It's in making space in your life to make it a life for two. It's the long-term consequences and effects of these adjustments we make. That is where incompatibility really lies," Caleb continues. "It sucks because it's also time that gives rise to love and to really, really deep special connection. So it's kind of this double-edged sword, where as you guys get to know each other for longer and be in each other's lives for longer, you love each other more, but begin to see more and more clearly that you aren't best for each other."
Through all the adjustments people make in relationships, it's easy to lose who they are, he says. And once that happens, there may be no real way to salvage the relationship because it becomes a relationship between two people who have changed so much trying to be what they think is best for the other person.
"The incompatibility is there because you've essentially become a person that circumvents that incompatibility by circumventing who you really are," Caleb says.
Adjusting to life as that new person after a breakup is the hardest part, he continues. The person you became to accommodate someone who is no longer in your life may not know how to fully support themselves on their own.
Viewers relate to the reality of loving someone you're incompatible with
Caleb's experience isn't an isolated one. Viewers agreed with his take in the comments, sharing their own experiences as further proof that even loving relationships don't always work out.
"A good way to know if you're incompatible is if you're arguing about the same things over and over," one user said.
"Came out of a relationship like this! She's a wonderful person but some fundamentals that made us clash too much," another user said.
A common thread among people who have gone through something similar is that they loved their partner but realized they weren't the right person for each other, an experience that isn't talked about enough.
"This was my marriage. We went to couples therapy, but I didn't realize how incompatible we actually were. It took me so long to understand that. He was a good person, just not the right person for me," another user said.
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the personal experiences shared by TikTok creator @palladiumpaladin, which are based on his account in the video.
