A TikTok video posted by @madeleinemcadam, which had 552,000 views and more than 1,000 comments at the time of publication, explains why she believes showing more of your "crashout" moments early in a relationship can help you figure out how committed your partner is — and potentially lead to longer-lasting relationships.
Madeleine acknowledged that this way of thinking might seem counterintuitive because people are generally taught to make a good first impression and maintain that polished image for as long as possible. She said many women might be opposed to the idea, asking themselves, "Why would I crash out early on when he's just getting to know me?"
But she went on to explain why she believes her logic makes sense.
"Somebody's character and somebody's ability to provide for you and care for you is not gonna be demonstrated in the happy, best moments. . . It's in the low point that you really see, like, how this person is gonna care for you and how this person is gonna show up for you," she said.
One commenter agreed with her perspective, sharing that she spent the first few years of her relationship "crashing out" and is now happily married.
"100%. I spent the first few years being a psycho. We're happily married now and significantly less psycho as time goes on. Still keep him on his toes though," she wrote.
Madeleine Says a Partner's Response to Your 'Crashouts' Can Reveal Their Commitment
The creator went on to share an example involving a friend who was going through an emotionally difficult period in her life. Her friend told Madeleine that she felt bad about her boyfriend having to see her during those low moments.
Madeleine advised her to look at the situation differently, arguing that she wouldn't want to be with a man who abandoned her during her most vulnerable or emotionally volatile moments. Her friend's boyfriend had handled her emotional state quite well, which Madeleine viewed as a green flag.
This is why she believes allowing a partner to see these difficult moments early in a relationship can be beneficial. In her view, it gives women an opportunity to see whether their partner will remain supportive when things get difficult or "crash and burn."
Reactions to the video were mixed, with many women testifying of their relationship success after many emotionally turbulent episodes, while others said they lost their partners for good shortly after theirs. One commenter wrote, "He actually deescalates my crash outs so effectively. It's insane, my nervous system loves him so much. I can't be angry long enough to crash out around him."
Another commenter said that she was proposed to in a mental hospital! She wrote, "My man literally proposed to me in a damn MENTAL HOSPITAL."
A separate commenter said that her boyfriend broke up with her after a crash out episode. She wrote, "I crashed out asking why her was ignoring me all day and not replying to my reels. He said he isn't attracted to me now and broke up with me (good to find that out, I guess)."
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the personal experiences described by TikTok creator @madeleinemcadam, which are based on her account shared in the video.
