TikTok creator @shazmeeraqadri, whose name is Shazmeera, shared why dating outside the Desi community was one of the best decisions she could have made. At the time of publication, her video had received 35,200 views and 164 comments.
“Desi” refers to people, cultures, foods, and traditions originating from the Indian subcontinent, including countries such as India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh.
“Once I got divorced, a lot of guys had a lot of lip to run. People were talking about my age. I was literally 28 and [they were] telling me how I can’t have children, I’m too old and stuff like that,” she explains.
For Shazmeera, deciding that the culture she grew up in was no longer the right fit for her was one of the best decisions she could have made. Being divorced was also something that did not sit well with some members of the community, she says.
“The person that I’m dating today, I actually live with him and we’re not married. And it was such a taboo topic, but honestly, I’d rather be taboo than be unhappy. We just got our first kitten together. Our parents and our families get along so well together. We all realize how much happier they are when their children are happy. We never in a day have thought about our culture, our religion, our race,” she says.
The strict expectations of the community Shazmeera grew up in are among the main reasons she wants to leave as much of that culture behind as possible, especially when it comes to raising a family in the future.
“If we do decide to have kids, we’re literally gonna tell our children to be good people. We’re gonna give them a taste of both of our cultures, the best parts of it,” she says.
Shazmeera also talks about how her aunts and uncles would fat-shame her and call her ugly, making her feel she was not good enough. She says she does not want potential future children to be exposed to that kind of influence because she has already suffered enough.
She says she has left behind a culture she associates with suffering and embraced a relationship built on love, support, and values that matter to her. She contrasts that with her previous marriage, which she says was marked by disagreements over values.
“We never fought over culture. We never fought over of religion. We never fought over language. We always fought over difference in values,” she recalls.
Now, she says, she no longer has to worry about those differences in her current relationship.
Shazmeera’s video allows users to share their own experiences
The comments on Shazmeera’s video suggest that other users related to her experiences and the pressures she described.
“This culture is SO toxic i hate it,” one user commented.
Others shared their own experiences of dating and building relationships across cultures.
“Divorced with kids and happily in a relationship with a Mexican man who makes us his priority. Almost 5 years in, it has been the best,” another user wrote.
Shazmeera’s candidness about the pressures she experienced in the Desi community also resonated with viewers.
“Thank you for sharing, thank you for trail blazing. There is so much shame in this culture and when you finally step outside of it, it offers such a relief and freedom!!” one user told her.
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the claims made by TikTok creator @shazmeeraqadri, which are based on her personal experiences and opinions shared in the video.
