Mom Of Three Says Hosting In-Laws 3 To 4 Times A Year Is Taking A Toll On Her Mental Health

A working mom has turned to Reddit for advice after regular, lengthy visits from her in-laws have left her emotionally drained. She is thus reconsidering household responsibilities and the pressure of hosting her in-laws while also raising kids. In a post to r/workingmoms on Reddit seven months ago, she described how her husband's parents visit their family in the U.S. from another country three or four times a year, with each visit lasting around three weeks.

She described her in-laws as quite respectful and good with their three little kids. But having them in the house completely upends her day. She works part time from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. and sees herself as the main parent and the person primarily responsible for managing the house. Her husband has a demanding job with long hours, sometimes on Sundays.

The OP said the extra demands of hosting two adults left her feeling utterly overwhelmed by balancing childcare, household tasks and work. "I don't even have a moment of peace when they're here," she wrote. Mornings are filled with constant interruptions, and evenings are spent cleaning the kitchen, doing the laundry and handling other domestic tasks while her in-laws continue asking questions, she said.

She also mentioned that she has to get up an hour earlier to get the kids ready for school, as the normal morning routine became so much harder during the in-laws' visits. It impacts her emotionally and her relationship with the kids. She admits she is more irritable during the visits than she normally would be with her children. She is now concerned that her frustration will eventually find its way into how she deals with her in-laws.

Her husband, on the other hand, thinks she's being unreasonable and that she needs to be more flexible. She has suggested that his parents should stay in a hotel on future visits, as she believes having some separation in the mornings and evenings would give her the space she needs. But he said the suggestion would be offensive to his parents.

To describe the end of each visit, she wrote that she is shattered when she gets them to the airport: "The minute I drive away from the airport, I instantly burst into tears of sheer relief."

With 154 upvotes, the OP's post kicked off a discussion around how often in-laws visit and why her husbands doesn't take up a bigger role in hosting their own parents. One person suggested he should take time off work to host them rather than leave his wife to deal with the extra load. Another person calculated that three or four visits of three weeks each would amount to hosting his parents for between 9 and 12 weeks a year.

Some commenters suggested that the visits could be shortened or that, as the OP herself suggested, separate accommodation could be arranged for the in-laws. Alternatively, the in-laws could be asked to get more involved in the day-to-day running of the household. A few others felt that the husband should do more to entertain his parents and keep them occupied, especially on evenings when his wife is trying to finish her own chores and is still feeling overwhelmed.

As one person summed up, "Even if you really like the guests, it's still a disruption to daily life."