Nintendo released a preview this week of its upcoming Mario game for the Switch console, Super Mario Odyssey. Odyssey brings many revelations about Mario, including that the beloved Italian plumber is no longer a plumber and, more importantly, that his nipples look like this:
In his 35-plus years of existence, Mario has never been seen without a shirt, and people are freaking the heck out at his little pixelated nipples. Tweet after disbelieving tweet asked, "Whoa, Nintendo, what're you doing?"
2017: The year we body-shamed Super Mario.
Some, however, felt Nintendo hadn't gone far enough with topless Mario. They want to see his... uhh... "power-up mushroom."
Others were more sensible: Wouldn't it be unusual for Mario, a fictional human being, *not* to have nipples? Maybe this is progress for Nintendo.
Important questions still remained unanswered. Mario's nipples are free on Twitter and on the Nintendo Switch, but will they violate Instagram's infamous anti-nipple policies?
Furthermore, where are LINK'S nipples? Isn't the hero of Hyrule human, or at least humanoid?
Anyway, everything that needs to be said about Mario's nipples has been said, and we're all done talking about them.
It was fun while it lasted, though.
