‘I Wish I Had Healed Before Dating You’: Heartbreaking Confession About Losing The Love Of Your Life

A user, u/Alive_Doughnut_7291, posted on Reddit’s r/breakups about losing a partner they genuinely felt was the love of their life. The post, titled “I wish I had healed before dating you,” explains how their own unresolved insecurities and emotional dependency largely contributed to the end of the relationship. They went on to say that their behavior destroyed a relationship they now felt was meant to last. The post had 280 upvotes at the time of publication.

“You were the best partner I've ever had—the healthiest person who ever entered my life”, the OP wrote as they admitted their own insecurities prevented them from fully appreciating the relationship.

The OP admitted they had been controlling, jealous, irritable and always on the lookout for attention. They said they were terrified they’d eventually let their partner down and fail to live up to the future they’d both envisioned. "I hated myself and didn't know how to accept healthy love," they wrote. Their anxiety and negative thinking, they say, fueled a destructive cycle of push and pull.

The OP recalled regularly blaming their partner for their own distress, although their partner had barely made them feel insecure. Their partner eventually resented the relationship and ended it. The OP also regretted what they had said and done and acknowledged that their partner had likely made sacrifices for them that they had not appreciated.

The post prompted commenters to recognize similar dynamics in their own relationships, either as the insecure partner or as the partner who eventually left. One commenter wrote that the story was very familiar to them and that they were glad the OP had finally realized they needed to change. Another person described ending a relationship they had genuinely thought was special and said they were still grieving what it could have been. "It's hard to accept you can meet the one, but that doesn't guarantee you'll be with each other forever," they wrote.

The OP later said they had split with their ex three months earlier. Their ex had offered to remain friends, but the OP had declined because they were still very emotionally dependent and felt the offer was an attempt to make the breakup easier. The OP then asked their ex to reconsider the decision to end the relationship, which only made things worse.

The OP also said their ex had asked them not to hold out hope for reconciliation. They wanted to apologize but did not contact their ex because they thought it might seem desperate and feared their ex would no longer take them seriously. They did not fully recognize their behavior until after the breakup and then started therapy. They regretted not having "sought help sooner" and were committed to working on themselves.

"I never want to be that person again", they said of what they now understand was utterly irrational and childish behavior.

As a result, commenters were divided over whether the OP should contact their ex. Some favored an apology, while others thought personal growth should not depend on winning their ex back.