A TikTok user's straightforward view on what is needed for a relationship to succeed has triggered a discussion about the point at which loyalty becomes controlling behaviour. The video, posted four days ago by the TikTok account @itsjustjuliana, shows a woman sitting in a car saying that a partner has to be willing to cut off "anybody or anything" which could interfere with their relationship.
She says in the video that "In order for a relationship to work, you gotta be with someone who loves you enough to cut off anybody or anything that can mess up (…) what you have." She also states that there should be "no hesitation and no confusion" and maintains that "real love involves boundaries, discipline and respect."
The post had drawn more than 42,500 likes as of publication, with commenters divided over whether the view reflected healthy loyalty or controlling expectations.
One commenter wrote, "I cut off my family. No one will disrespect my wife." Another commenter approached the argument in a different way by asking whether the advice would mean "deleting Instagram if he asks you to?" The comment had over 1,200 likes.
Some commenters drew a distinction between reasonable relationship boundaries and expectations rooted in insecurity. "Trust is one thing," one commenter stated, "but your partner should accept some reasonable boundaries," provided those are "rational, mature, and legitimate."
According to Cleveland Clinic, setting healthy boundaries means clearly expressing your needs while also respecting others'. But such boundaries must not be used to control another person because healthy relationships are based on mutual respect of boundaries, trust, communication and teamwork. It also points out that a partner who is trying to stop someone from meeting their close friends should be seen as a warning sign, not as an example of commitment.
In the comments, one person said they had been labeled insecure for asking for the same kind of loyalty the woman described.
Another proposed that the message could be used as a justification for a boyfriend blocking all of his female friends. A different commenter said that relationships can only become long-term when people know how to behave while being in them.
Others also stressed the importance of timing. One TikTok user said that this degree of commitment might seem "overbearing" if it comes too soon, whereas delaying one's own needs for a relationship too long could come across as betrayal.
So what does loyalty really entail? It may be a personal decision to cut off someone who keeps disrespecting their partner. However, the Gottman Institute states that boundaries are deciding what an individual will accept and how they will react, not forcing someone else to change.
