A post shared on Reddit's r/Advice forum by user u/PickleRick2724, a mother, asked for advice after her 4-year-old began making negative comments about children with darker skin tones. The post sparked a conversation about childhood development in the comments.
The comments from parents, childcare workers and educators include whether such behavior is typical for young children and how best to address it.
According to the mother, her son recently started saying he did not want to be around "brown kids" at daycare and the playground. During one outing, he reportedly told her he did not want to be near another child "because he looks like poop." The mother said she immediately corrected him, saying that it was unkind to judge someone based on their appearance.
However, after he behaved the same way at daycare, she went to Reddit for advice. "I really just don't understand where he could have gotten this from," she wrote. The woman also added that both she and her husband have friends from different ethnic backgrounds and that their older son had never expressed similar views, which makes this shocking.
The most upvoted response argued that the comments were likely a part of cognitive development rather than racism in the way adults think of it. "This is extremely common at age 4 and almost never means the child is 'racist' in the adult sense," one Redditor wrote.
They explained that preschoolers often notice differences such as skin color, and make literal associations based on their understanding of the world. In this case, the child's comparison of brown skin to poop may stem from one of the few brown-colored things commonly discussed with young children.
That's why the commenter advised the parent not to give lengthy lectures and instead to make short, calm corrections. They also recommended explaining that "skin can be lots of colors" while telling her child that comparing someone's appearance to poop is hurtful. Next, they said to separate the child's preference for certain playmates from comments about appearance and have casual conversations about skin tones in everyday interactions. The commenter also asked whether the child had picked up the language from peers or other influences.
The original poster acknowledged she may have reacted too strongly. "I'll start being more concise when I talk to him," she replied. "I definitely did overreact when I first heard it." She also said she plans to arrange more playtime with diverse groups of children and introduce more bedtime books with characters from different ethnic backgrounds.
Other Reddit users, including some who identified as daycare workers and parents, shared examples of young children making literal or broad observations without understanding their implications. Others suggested the mother ask whether a specific interaction at daycare may have influenced her son's comments.
Some also cautioned against telling children to simply 'be nice' to people who mistreat them. They suggested it's more important to teach kids to set boundaries, walk away, or ask an adult for help.
