A viral Reddit post from a 36-year-old woman who says she'll never live with a man again has sparked widespread discussion about invisible labor and modern relationships.
After living with three partners and noticing recurring patterns, she concluded that she was happier living alone.
Her stance resonated with other women, including those who spent decades married, many of whom said they wished they had reached the same realization sooner.
No more male roommates
In a r/LivingAlone post penned last week, u/camis12345 listed five points to support her decision to stop living with men, even if they're in a committed relationship.
"I (F36) have lived with 3 different partners, and I started to see patterns, which makes me believe I’m my happiest self living alone," she said.
Her reasons, summarized here, are fivefold:
- Men produce invisible labor by not picking up after themselves.
- Men eat up all the food she makes.
- She's a light sleeper, and a lot of dudes snore.
- Living together means you never miss your partner and "kills the sexual chemistry."
- She doesn't want to compromise on her living space.
"I started to realize that moving in together with a partner is something people do because this is what they are told to do," the Redditor concluded.
"Considering that there are no kids involved, the best thing is each one living in their own space, meeting a few times a week to do fun things, and going back to their own space where they can be themselves."
What is invisible labor?
Invisible labor is a real and measurable phenomenon that describes all the unpaid and underappreciated work that women do to support the men in their lives and keep a household going.
A study published in 2019 found that 90 percent of women surveyed reported that "they alone assumed responsibility for household routines."
The numbers can get more shocking than that. A 2020 Oxfam analysis found that invisible "care work" performed by women and girls 16 and older across the globe is worth $10.8 trillion annually.
These revelations along with shifting attitudes could explain why more women are staying single. In 2022, only 34 percent of single ladies were looking for a partner, according to Pew Research. That number was 38 percent in 2019.
Women say living together came with hidden costs
In the comments, older women, some of whom had been married for decades, wholeheartedly agreed with the OP's decision. Many wished they'd come to the same conclusion a long time ago, while others offered evidence that living separately works.
"I was married 50 years. Divorced for 13," said u/Agreeable_Site66. "I honestly believe that if my ex and l had our own apartments we'd still be together."
"My mother's best friend was happily married for over 30 years but never lived with her husband," reported u/Fancy_Boysenberry_55. "They both had their own house and spent a lot of time together but only occasionally slept in one bed. They each preferred their own space."
"I could have written this!" wrote u/drtdraws. "If I'm tired or sick it feels almost decadent to just lie down and rest. After 3 different ten year relationships the pattern you noticed became very recognizable to me too."
A few did report that their own husbands actually made their lives easier, but it doesn't look too common.
"I have lived with a lot of men in my family. It was gross," said u/Abject_Quality_9819.
"Thankfully my husband is nothing like this and he moves like a ninja when I am sleeping. He is clean and [makes] my life easier. There are considerate men but I have come to learn that’s rare."
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