Redditors are diving into the nuts and bolts of having a social life—or not—after the age of 40.
As we get older, maintaining a social life tends to become more difficult. There are any number of reasons for this—some people start families, friends move away, work takes precedence, and the activities that brought us joy in our younger years just don't hold that same allure.
These changes are an accepted part of reality, but they're also not the whole story, or everybody's story. Recently, u/85tornado stopped by r/AskReddit to dive into the topic a little bit more. Their question was divisive: "Redditors aged 40+, when did your social life end?"
Although some commenters felt like they had concrete answers to that line of inquiry, others brought a little more hope and, sometimes, the wisdom that only comes with being quite a few years beyond 40, pointing out our lives are more dependent on our choices than pure age.
1.
"It didn't end. The circle just got smaller and the bull***t tolerance dropped to zero. I traded 20 drinking buddies for 3 friends I'd actually trust with my life. Quality over quantity." —u/West-Climate2170
2.
"Well before 40. My family life is fulfilling though, so I don’t miss it much." —u/FlipMeOverUpsidedown
3.
"When Covid happened. Honestly it had very little to do with age. I blame myself for getting a little too used to be alone." —u/BitersBlock
4.
"It hasn’t ended. Fiancée and I are in our 40s and caught a second wind about three to four years ago. We have a close-knit group of friends with whom we go out, travel, and party like we are in our 20s, from time to time. We absolutely love it." —u/aarogar
5.
"My social life reduced from buddies id hang out with every weekend to those buddies who enjoyed my hobbies. I occasionally will see "old" friends, a dinner or get together maybe yearly or less.
I try to stay connected, but if you aren't one of the people I indulge my hobby with I dont see you regularly. It just became about prioritizing my time around things I love doing." —u/Stabbymcbackstab
6.
"It didn’t end, it just moved to group chats where nobody ever actually meets..." —u/1mefdiopl
7.
"Probably around COVID. I'm in my mid 30s now. Don't have kids yet. Friend group kinda separated between people who did and didn't have kids and mostly drifted apart in the years after COVID.
I don't blame them. In this time of once in a life time, unprecedented historical events happening 2-3 times a month, it's a lot just to manage your own situation." —u/BlackFoxx
8.
"I moved across the country to a major city and it ramped up significantly. I have so many friend groups and activities to do that I have to force downtime on myself so I don’t get exhausted. This is the most fun I’ve had since undergrad." —u/yellowdamseoul
9.
"When friends kids came and esp when their school started." —u/PositiveFun8654
10.
"Im 53 now. I would say my social life didn't really get good until my mid 30's. My 40's and 50's have been one long party!
For example, new years eve. Invited out by several different friend groups. Went for a meal. Went to a town pub where we ended up drunk singing Bohemian Rhapsody karaoke.
Then onto a club with live music and dancing. Head banging to Paranoid by Black Sabath. Fireworks at midnight. Then out for lunch the next morning." —u/Checkpoint-Charlie
11.
"When I quit drinking then Covid hit. After things opened back up, I was hanging w some friends at our bar. “I’m married and sober, why tf am I hanging out in a bar?” We all still chat but I have no desire to hang out." —u/Sirloin_Tips
12.
"Kids at 30 knocked a fair bit off. Covid knocked more off - we stopped having people round and we never went back. Then in my 40s social battery and low tolerance for others killed more. I still have friends but a quarter of what I did in my twenties" —u/whyte2097
13.
"50+ here, it never ended. Though my social circle isn't as large as it was when I was younger and bar hopping every weekend. The core is still my friends from childhood and early twenties. Social life didn't end, but it's slowed down.
Still a boardgame night every Wednesday. Occasional dinners in fancy restaurants. We still drink, but it's not as heavy drinking or as often as 20+ years ago, that's quieted down a bit, usually in a pub instead of a nightclub. During golf season it's 3-4 rounds of golf every week with my friends." —u/Jassokissa
14.
"The people you grow up with move to go to college. You make new friends and move on to your career. 1/3 of your day is sleeping, 1/3 of your day is working.
You realize that you don't actually have that much time in your life so you filter out anything that isn't as important as you thought in the past.
A lot of your relationships go into what I'd call maintenance mode where you have a positive relationship but you're not really engaged in really knowing each other anymore.
You have kids and they don't, or they have kids and you don't--suddenly you really don't have that much in common anymore. Relationships are hard to maintain." —u/wirestyle22
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