Woman Recalls Date That Gave Her “The Biggest Ick” After Man Refused Cigarette to Unhoused Stranger

A woman has shared shared a dating experience that gave her ‘the biggest ick’ on a date. It was posted less than a day ago on Reddit’s r/GirlDinnerDiaries, and the poster also shared a photo of some spam fried rice she was eating with sriracha mayo. “This was a few years ago,” she wrote.

The story sparked debate in the comments over whether what “icked” her about a man she went out with was valid. 

The woman said it was a few years ago when she was out on a date with a friend of a friend who had, in fact, driven two hours to meet her. In “the middle of the day,” they had been strolling together when an unhoused man approached them. The woman who says she lives “in one of the safest cities” in the United States said she was not scared or apprehensive about what would happen next. But her date positioned himself between her and the man.

“It feels condescending,” she recalled. 

Soon, the other man asked her date, who had a fresh pack of cigarettes in his hand, if he could have one. The man simply asked for a cigarette, and the poster would have had no trouble giving one to him because she said she “[smoked] in college, and there’s (...) an unspoken code in smoking culture. If someone needs, you give! (...)  It’s just an act of kindness. Also builds community in a way.” However, her date clearly seemed to think otherwise.

His response immediately bothered her as he told the unhoused man, “Sorry, man, this was my last one.” The poster was so bewildered that she wondered if her date wanted the unhoused man to pay for a cigarette when he appeared to be in need. “Just do one small nice thing! It’s really not that hard!” she wrote on Reddit. 

Then came another Reddit user who related to this story because they had a man tell them, “social workers and teachers were useless, and he'd never date one.” Yet another said this incident reminded them of when a man “came to [her] city, and in the car he measured my ear with a ruler.”

The unrelated anecdote also drew attention in the thread.

On the other hand, a person said they grew up with parents who constantly smoked, and they would personally not want to smoke a cigarette when the very phrase “can I bum a smoke?” feels annoying. Another person, on a similar note, said, “I vape now, and I've actually gotten people asking if they can hit my vape. Absolutely no.” So for people like them, the issue might come down to personal hygiene.

“Him standing between you and that guy is a massive green flag,” another commenter viewed the situation differently.