TikTok can be a treasure trove of real, actionable advice, and the “Let Them Theory” is a gem of an example.
What is the Let Them Theory?
The theory comes to us courtesy of Mel Robbins—who describes herself on TikTok as an “Author, Podcaster, Researcher”—and, honestly, it’s exactly what it sounds like. The basic conceit of the theory is that we should learn to control what we can and release what we can’t.
"The ‘Let Them Theory’ is based on a simple truth: the fastest way to take control of your life is to stop controlling those around you," Mel explains. "You have no idea how much time, energy, and attention you are wasting trying to control other people."
@onlythegreatminds Control what you can control. #melrobbins #selfimprovement
♬ original sound - onlygreatminds
So basically, your friends all go out and don’t invite you? Let them.
Your job is laying people off? Let them.
Someone says something mean behind your back? Let them.
"You spend so much time and energy trying to control other people and getting emotionally worked up about things that are beyond your control,” Mel added in another viral video on the subject. “You can tap into peace and true control if you let them be themselves.”
@melrobbins Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” ? Listen now on the melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” ? in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode
♬ original sound - Mel Robbins
So, how does this help you?
The idea is that, when you release your expectations and let people act how they want to act, they inevitably show you who they really are. From there, you regain control over the situation and get to decide whether or not you want them in your life, rather than always waiting and hoping they’ll change. Mel herself says, “If you 'let them,' people will then reveal who they truly are and, when they reveal who they truly are to you, you now know what you can choose next that's right for you.”
Many commenters have weighed in on the theory themselves with mostly positive thoughts. One viewer wrote, “What a stress saver. Thank you.” while another one noted, “‘Let Them [Theory]’ pairs well with ‘If they want to, they would.’” And one top comment even took it a step further, sharing that this theory is similar to the “Law of detachment,” which they wrote means that “you get everything you ever wanted once you let go.”
And some viewers have even taken to TikTok themselves to share in video form how they’ve been implementing this theory into their real lives, and are seeing real results:
@michellezalfi thank you @Mel Robbins for changing my life. Best thing ive ever incorporated. #letthemtheory #cartalk
♬ original sound - michelle alfi
@jemilax @Mel Robbins In 2023 we don’t pour into people that don’t pour into us ?? #letthemtheory #letthemgo #selflove #selfworthadvice #relationshipadvice #mindset #fypシ #fypage #viral
♬ original sound - JEMILA ?️
@abefromanx Detachment and let them theory have always been hard but necessary for me #relationships #breakupadvice #breakuptips #breakups #howtogetoverabreakup #datingtips #relationshiptips #datingtiktok #friendshipbreakup #letthem #letthemtheory #detachment #lawofattraction #lawofdetachment
♬ original sound - Abefroman
So, there you have it! While this theory certainly doesn’t mean you should open the door to let others walk over you by "letting them" treat you poorly, there is definitely something wise in growing past the need to control what others do.
