“I Want to Show They Exist”: Reddit Thread on High Effort Men Is Going Viral — and Some Commenters Had a Wake-Up Call

In a post on r/GirlDinnerDiaries, a Reddit user decided she was tired of disappointing boyfriends and wanted to prove that there are better relationships out there. Her post featured real-life examples of "high effort men" from the long-term relationships of her three closest friends. Each of them has been in a relationship for at least five years.

"I've read way too many posts about low effort men on this sub, so I want to give some real examples of high effort men just to show that they exist," she wrote. Her friends, she added, are "way past the honeymoon phase."

In keeping with the subreddit's format, she included a photo of her dinner — butter chicken meatballs, nachos, samosas, veggie medallions and cheesecake from an IKEA in Canada.

Her examples included a partner delivering a full week of meal prep when his girlfriend was stressed, another who came over solely to clean her apartment, one who saved credit card points for years to buy a Dyson Airwrap and another who blow-dried his partner's hair each night.

Some other examples include cutting fruit for a partner while she works, hiring a cleaner because she doesn't like cleaning, and picking her up from the airport with a bouquet made of her favorite snacks.

The post received over 6,400 upvotes as readers added their own stories. One added that her fiancé got up in the middle of the night to join her because it "wasn't fair" for her to take a fertility treatment shot alone.

Another commenter wrote that she had escaped an abusive household with her partner's help — she had met him at 16, and before her family returned he helped her pack what she could fit into a backpack.

"High effort men or just men that understand partner sometimes means 50/50, and sometimes it's 60/40, and sometimes it's 80/20," that commenter wrote. She added that she is now 30 and has been with that same loving partner for more than a decade.

One user described a fiancé who planned a surprise trip to a cabin near a vineyard, selected a dress in her size, and arranged a private garden proposal, as she would prefer something intimate. Despite it all, she added, "He considers himself the lucky one!"

One commenter pushed back, writing that the examples on the list reflected "minimal effort" and that men "need to level up."

Several commenters noted that blow-drying hair and peeling shrimp were common ways Asian partners express care — prompting the original poster to confirm that she and her friends are, in her words, "Asian girlies dating Asian men."

The discussion also helped some people have a better understanding of their reality. "Oh wow, this post has made me realize I have a very, very low effort man in my life," one wrote. "Me too, I'm so sad," another replied.

The original poster's message was: "I spent years third wheeling their dates until I met my own high effort man." She wrote, "It really is possible."