Husband of 20 Years Asked to Have a Girlfriend and Keep Living at Home — Internet Tells His Wife to Serve Him Divorce Papers

A woman's Reddit post about her husband of nearly 20 years asking for the third time in months, whether he could pursue a girlfriend while continuing to live in the family home is getting significant attention on r/TwoXChromosomes.

She noted that the subject had never come up before, but that he appeared to believe, “if [the poster] still [wants] him to help out, then [she would] have to be okay with letting him stay at the house while he goes to do whatever with whoever.”

The poster also discussed the situation that may have led the husband to make such a decision, and it was construed by most Reddit users as basic parental responsibility. She noted that because she worked night shifts, she depended on her husband to pick the children up from school and handle household tasks like laundry.

A commenter wrote, “Sir, this is your family, not a soup kitchen.” Another user asked, “Why do men think their parental responsibilities are optional?”

One of the top comments advised the poster to seek legal counsel, arguing the husband was positioning himself for a divorce. “He's playing games to slowly wear you down so he can get what he wants without you protesting,” they wrote. “Start divorce proceedings and see what you can get out of it.” 

Another commenter argued that the husband's desire to stay in the family home had nothing to do with genuine co-parenting intentions.

Instead, he wanted to avoid the legal web that would ensnare him when divorce proceedings started. “He's not going to help out. He's just going to avoid mandatory child support and visitation,” they clarified. 

The poster also wrote that the situation had left her feeling "repulsive and ugly and sad." Many commenters pushed back on that sentiment saying, she should feel "repulsed" rather than repulsive, since he was the one "showing his real character."

Another commenter suggested the husband was likely overestimating his appeal in the dating market because men in such situations realize they were “part of some 23-year-old’s experimental phase” much later.