“He Wouldn’t Consider That a Date”: Woman Sparks Debate Over Boyfriend’s Odd Behavior

A 22-year-old posted to r/GirlDinnerDiaries about a pattern she noticed with her longtime boyfriend. She and her boyfriend, 23, had been together for five years. Their shared high school friend group was their only social network.

Now he has a separate work friend group and has told her he prefers to keep that space to himself. He did not invite her when they go out, she wrote, saying he wanted “his own” friends after years of overlap.

He consistently declines her invitations to hang out with her group, but she has come to terms with it as he continues to share their activities with her. She didn't really mind it until a recent afternoon at a cat café.

The couple visited a cat café together, where they met a volunteer who had just moved to the city.

The woman seemed open to meeting new people, was friendly, and hadn't done much exploring.

He suggested the volunteer hang out with him and his coworkers, since they knew the area well.

That suggestion did not sit right with her.

She wrote that she suddenly thought, “You don't ever think about me when it comes to hanging out with your friends,” and worried she might be overreacting. For five years, he has kept that group closed to her, but after a few minutes of conversation, he was already picturing a stranger at those tables.

She claimed that later on, a different incident made matters worse. She told him she had enjoyed their "little date" at the cat café. "I wouldn't consider that a date," he said. In his view, as he told her, a date means a fancy restaurant, dressy outfits, or a similarly polished outing.

“And btw, in our 5 years of dating he has NEVER taken me out on his ‘ideal date’ so idk what he even wants,” she added, saying she planned to bring it up with him at some point.

Many commenters said they saw warning signs in what she described. One of the most-upvoted responses said, “I guarantee he denies the seriousness of this relationship to his ‘other’ friend group and probably implies she’s just a FWB,” warning that if the volunteer later met his friends and mentioned the girlfriend, he could wave it off and say she was just someone he was “hanging out with,” backed by his claim that the cat café wasn’t a date. “OP you’re not long term/serious in his mind, be aware,” they wrote.

Another user said, "Literally. This woman is simply a warm body to pass the time until he meets someone new. He’s even trying to find someone else right in front of her."

A third commenter pointed straight at his choices and wrote, “ ‘I don’t invite just any girl to my friend group, but when I do, it’s not the GF I’ve had for five years.’ Suuuuper sketch, babe,” before suggesting he may be keeping that group separate because he has already crossed lines there.