In a TikTok video that was posted on August 5, a creator, Chase Ridgeway (@chaseridgewayy), sets out eight "non-negotiables" regarding how men should treat women. Some of his dating guidelines are being praised while others have been questioned. As of publication, the clip had amassed around 179,800 likes and over 2,600 comments.
Ridgeway said that although he had been single for three years, he still wants to give his opinions on dating. He then outlined the eight rules he said were important when men are dating women.
His first rule was to hold doors open, be it apartment doors or car doors. He then recommended that a man walking with a woman should stay between her and the street and be warm to the woman's friends and family, greeting them with the same enthusiasm as he would the woman.
@chaseridgewayy If you are a man and you are not doing these, do better.
♬ original sound - chase ridgeway
His fourth rule was that men should always pay for the first meal, even if the woman offered to split the cost or pay entirely. The fifth rule was that when a woman tells him about her problems, the man should treat those as just as important as his.
He also advised men to offer to carry a woman's bag or anything she might be carrying, even if she declined. The seventh rule was to always bring a jacket in case the woman gets cold.
The last point was about planning dates. In it, Ridgeway suggested that men should make plans rather than constantly asking their partners where they would like to go or what they would like to do. He called this taking the lead, though he admitted that a woman might prefer not to be led.
Most of the commenters were enthusiastic about this list. One urged Ridgeway to give a "masterclass" to all men, and another joked that women should watch the video at full volume next to their situationship! Many of the commenters also appreciated how he said men should be planning dates and treat women's friends well. However, one commenter characterized the list as "antiquated and conservative-coded”, and another argued that some of the behaviors are platonic acts of kindness.
The idea that men should always pay also led to a vastly different set of responses. Some commenters agreed, while others argued that paying for dinner should not mean that the person who has paid is entitled to anything else. The concept of "leading" a woman also had a commentator who said that women might want to be led, but only in "respectful ways" that are compatible with feminism. Yet another maintained that men and women should be treated equally no matter what.
Some people added to Ridgeway’s list by saying that the expectations in a relationship should involve sharing the mental load, doing the domestic work and looking after children, as well as supporting your partner’s personal interests. That, too, is gender neutral.
