A video message recorded by James Van Der Beek near the end of his life is resurfacing, and blindsiding millions with its emotional force.
The actor, who died from colorectal cancer at 48, reflected on what remained of his identity after illness stripped away his work, his role as a provider, and even daily life with his family.
What he arrived at has turned the clip into an unexpected viral gut punch in a way you might not expect from the man who portrayed Dawson Leery in the 1990s.
"What am I?": James Van Der Beek on facing mortality alone
The message comes from a video the late actor posted in March 2025. He'd been living in an apartment away from his family to receive treatment, and the distance and inability to work left him time to meditate on who he was.
Dancing With the Stars judge Derek Hough reposted the clip on Wednesday, sharing that it "moved me to tears" then and now.
"When I was younger, I used to define myself as an actor, which was never really all that fulfilling," said Van Der Beek. "And then I became a husband, and that was much better. And then I became a father, and that was the ultimate."
"Then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the eye. I had to come nose to nose with death."
Unable to support his wife or put his six kids to bed, all those points of identity were "stripped away," leaving him to wonder—"If I am just a too-skinny, weak guy alone in an apartment with cancer, what am I?"
The answer was simple, and it's hitting viewers right in the gut.
"I am worthy of God’s love, simply because I exist. And if I’m worthy of God’s love, shouldn’t I also be worthy of my own?"
"And the same is true for you."
Try not to cry challenge: Impossible
The gut punch is real, leaving swaths of social media users reeling from the unexpected heartache. Van Der Beek really knew drama.
Popular X user Matt Wallace called it "one of the most powerful things I have ever heard. Stop whatever you are doing and listen to this!"
"James turned a mess into a message and it’s so deeply vulnerable and authentic," said NFL Network reporter Jane Slater.
"I was really caught off guard here," wrote @RealSpitfire. "I did not expect my visceral reaction to this message from James Vanderbeek."
"Whether you are a person of faith or not…this is an extraordinary thing to hear," said @RMBee.
Van Der Beek leaves family with medical debt
Though worthy of love, the U.S. healthcare system deems no one worthy of cancer treatment without financial devastation. Even the iconic Dawson's Creek star had to auction off memorabilia from the show in November to help pay for it, and that still wasn't enough.
As the video with his touching message spread, so did the news that his friends launched a GoFundMe campaign because Van Der Beek's family is still struggling with medical debt.
"In the wake of this loss, Kimberly and the children are facing an uncertain future," the page reads. "The costs of James’s medical care and the extended fight against cancer have left the family out of funds. They are working hard to stay in their home and to ensure the children can continue their education and maintain some stability during this incredibly difficult time."
As of 2023, the U.S. spends 17.6 percent of its GDP on healthcare costs, compared to an average of 11 percent in comparable countries. The biggest chunk of that goes to private health insurance companies, which still leave Americans highly vulnerable to medical bankruptcy.
A full 62 percent of personal bankruptcies are caused by medical bills in the U.S.
The internet is chaotic—but we’ll break it down for you in one daily email. Sign up for the Daily Dot’s newsletter here.
