Is a man asking to Zelle this woman on a first date a sign that modern dating is a cesspool rife with the stank of constant disappointment?
TikTok user Jamie Deline (@textswith[expletive]men) shared the story in a video posted on Dec. 18.
The clip, which has accrued over 700,000 views, inspired a litany of replies. Tons of women stated that they, too, have had similarly terrible experiences. Ultimately this has soured their attitudes towards the pursuit of love with members of the opposite sex.
Man asks to Zelle on first date
The TikToker begins her video by speaking directly into the camera. She explains the details of a date she just engaged in directly after it occurred. However, if the moniker of her social media handle is any indication, the date wasn’t a good experience. Furthermore, at the onset of her clip, the TikToker questions whether her meetup with the man even qualifies as a date.
After weeks of messaging where he asks her if she’s free last minute, he decides to plan a get together two days in advance. She agrees to a time and place, and they both end up running late to their date. Upon getting there before him, however, she discovers that the bar is closed for a private party.
When he does show up after spending some more time looking for parking, he’s wearing a vest. The article of clothing indicates that he’s been painting in it, as he’s new to the area and has been partaking in home renovations. The TikToker says that in the time she waited for him to arrive she looked up other bars within walking distance of the original spot.
What happened at the bar?
Since there was only one place close by that was open, it’s not like they really had an option of where to go. So off they went, but once they were inside, the man was clearly uncomfortable being there. OP said that even though it was a dive bar, the establishment didn’t seem exceedingly sketchy. However, its aesthetics must’ve put her date off from nabbing a drink. That’s because when she asked him what he wanted, he hesitated at first.
Furthermore, she looked around at the bar and saw that “most of the patrons were not white.” She suspected that it was this reason the man was acting strange in the bar. But she conceded there was no way she could “verify” this.
“I’m like, OK dude, I don’t care if you wanna stay or you wanna go. But for the love of God just make a choice,” she says. The man then suggests that they could get a bottle of wine and hang out in the courtyard at his place. This prompted her to ask how far away his spot was, as it was far enough to make him late for their date.
Back to plan A
As it turns out, there was a stand outside of the first establishment that had beer and wine for sale. She suggested that they could get a beverage at this place instead of heading out to a separate location. He liked this idea, but then asked if he could Zelle her, explaining he ran late because he forgot his wallet. “Can I Zelle you for the cost of a bottle of wine?” he apparently asked.
OP says that she, herself, is a “disaster of a human being” who is constantly losing things all of the time. She thought that the first thing he should’ve done when he rolled up was explain what had happened. What really ended up grinding her gears, however, was that the man didn’t seem to possess a “hint of accountability whatsoever.”
“So I literally just look at him, dumbfounded. Like, seriously bro? No, I don’t wanna Zelle you at this point. And he’s like, ‘Oh yeah, let’s just call it.’ And as I turn to walk to my car he’s like, ‘Oh, well it was nice to meet you.’”
That won’t stand
Incensed at what seemed like an attempt at downplaying his lack of responsibility, she decided to respond. “And, I’m like, let’s be real here. Let’s not pretend that this was cool,” she replied.
The man didn’t address her comment, OP says. “He just crosses the street mumbling something to himself. Again, no apologies,” she reveals.
Moreover, the TikToker said that this encounter was indicative of what has become the norm with modern dating. “And, real talk, nothing about it shocks me,” she says. “None of it. In the realm of dating horror stories, this wasn’t all that bad! But it’s just how pervasive and continuous it is.”
She went on to say that men beleaguered by loneliness have only themselves to blame. “This man is 40 years old,” she says. “And then people wonder why there’s a male loneliness epidemic and shame women for choosing to be single. You think a sane person would choose to endure this? You wanna complain how women are too emotional.”
Additionally, she says that she can’t blame folks who are intentionally electing to stay single. When the dating pool looks like this, the TikToker says, it’s a logical choice. She says, “Y’all are lucky I’m emotional! If I was thinking more logically I’d have written you off a long time ago! And many women have and you know what? More power to them. Because I don’t begrudge any woman who doesn’t wanna spend her Tuesday night doing this.”
Dating apps = destruction of modern romance?
Numerous media outlets have reported on worsening attitudes towards dating in recent years. Many have attributed the prevalence of dating apps as possibly contributing to this downfall. Like NPR who believes that the “monopolistic strategies of companies like Match Group” are making these apps worse.
The piece did concede that there are instances where these apps help people find love. However, when they do, that means two users usually leave the app. Which also means the cash they spent on these applications leaves with them. This prompts a paradox within the business model. And maybe a speculation that applications are trying to keep people inside these apps or squeeze as much revenue out of users whilst using them.
The Washington Post echoed these sentiments in a piece with a blunt headline. “It’s not just you. Dating apps really have gotten worse.” The piece mentions new practices, along with artificial intelligence implementations ruining the experience for end users. PureWow writes that in 2024, it appears more and more people are ditching dating applications. Subsequently suggesting that these exoduses could be a direct result of ennui associated with endless swiping and meet ups.
Furthermore, this Reddit user offered a nihilistic approach to dating, calling the scene “dead” in 2024. They stated that throngs of individuals “pretend” to be someone they’re not when going on dates. Which has killed the need for formal dating practices, eliminating the practice as a need for getting to know others.
One user replied that the most important thing one seeks in a romantic partner is someone they are happy to spend time with. It’s this hallmark that ultimately helps a person to “actually maintain a long term healthy relationship.”
TikTokers shared in her disappointment
Throngs of users on the application shared their own rules when it comes to first dates. One commenter stated there was a time limit for the TikToker’s date to make amends.
“Never go on a date without a reservation,” they wrote. “When you showed up and he did not have a Plan B for the closed place. He had eight mins to find one before you should have left,” they wrote.
Another remarked, “That wasn’t a date, that was a waste of time.”
Someone else said that dating apps in general don’t foster a sense of seriousness in all men to begin with. “The men on dating apps are not serious period,” they wrote.
While another replied that they immediately tapped out of using a dating application upon trying it. “I downloaded Tinder last night and it took me three minutes to delete it lol,” the user stated.
And then there was one user who found themselves in a similar situation. “I was walking to a restaurant with a date, and he announced he left his wallet in his car. I literally looked at him, said ‘No’ and turned around and went home,” they wrote.
Someone else suggested that the man had intended on just trying to get the TikToker back to his place ASAP. “He wanted you in his house,” they wrote.
@textswithshittymen #textswithshittymen #twsm #dating #datingtiktok #storytime #firstdate #fail #horror #accountability #zelle ♬ original sound – textswithshittymen
The Daily Dot has reached out to Deline via Instagram DM for further comment.
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