A 33-Year-Old Woman Asked Why Men Never Approach Her Despite Changes She’s Made to Her Appearance — the Responses Had a Common Theme

A post in r/GirlDinnerDiaries describes a 33-year-old woman's experience of rarely being approached by men, despite changes she's made to her appearance and lifestyle in recent years.

She wrote that she has been single since 2024 and has never had a relationship longer than six months, which happened when she was 21 and which she now considers immature.

The original poster lacked confidence for most of her life but started working out consistently about two years ago, resulting in going down a clothing size. She used to believe discipline alone would fix things, but came to realize that consistently showing up for herself was what actually helped.

She wrote that she frequently noticed her friend being approached by men while she was not, and that she changed her personal style after a woman once assumed she was gay.

Several replies described being told they seemed unapproachable and explained what helped change that perception. One commenter wrote, "Yep, I was told I'm unapproachable my whole life, which always made me a little sad. I took it to heart and worked on it. I smile, I chat people up. I have always been fun, so I tap into that and show it. It works. People feed off our confidence and energy and tend to reciprocate."

Another commenter attributed similar experiences to a combination of factors, including being autistic, writing, "Same, I've always been told by new friends or coworkers that I seem intimidating or closed-off, until I open my mouth and start talking, and they realize I'm normal. I have major resting bitch face, autism, and I'm pretty tall, so I largely attribute it to all that. If I make an effort to be smiley, people are so much more apt to strike up a conversation with me out of nowhere."

She also wrote that she met a man through a dating app, had a sexual encounter with him, and that he had expressed interest in repeating it — but she said she was not interested in a purely sexual relationship. She wrote that she doesn't understand why men don't show more interest in her overall.

One talked about a report about what man found attractive. They wrote, "Studies show that men find women most attractive when they are 'available,' like their single coworker vs their objectively more attractive married coworker. Perceived availability and approachability plays a huge role and it's all a lot of subjective vibes."

Another commenter pointed to body language as a key element, writing, "Most men just don't cold approach anymore unless a woman gives super approachable vibes. It's mostly about body language and eye contact with them. Most men aren't going to just walk up to you if you haven't made mutual eye contact and then sent positive signals like a smile."

The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the events described in this Reddit post. The details above reflect the original poster's account as shared on Reddit.