TW: This article contains descriptions and details of familial emotional abuse.
Dubbed the Pink Tote Mom trend on TikTok, folks are sharing the emotionally abusive tactics their parents used on them when they were children. The name of the trend is a reference to the girl who inadvertently started the trend after her mother yelled at her to move “the pink things.”
What does ‘Pink Tote Mom’ mean?
A Pink Tote Mom is a parent who is emotionally manipulative or abusive toward their child, typically over something that seems minor to an outside observer, like a pink tote bag. These parents will allegedly get into shouting matches with their children, whether they are minors or young adults. They seem to do this to make the child feel like they did something wrong because they didn’t react the way the parent expected.
According to Healthline, there are several different ways that emotional manipulation can be presented, the most common of which are invalidation of feelings, gaslighting, emotional blackmail, guilt-tripping, withholding affection, playing the victim, shifting the goalposts, and aggression or personal attacks. The website offers several suggestions on how to respond if it is safe to do so.
“Addressing problematic behaviors with a manipulative family member sometimes improves the situation. If it doesn’t, just remember: You can’t change anyone who doesn’t want to change,” says the article.
Origins of the Pink Tote Lid TikTok trend
The trend originates from TikToker Jaycie (@user9356145314915) who has since deleted her video; it has been reshared and cross-posted to several other accounts and social media sites. In the original video, Jaycie can be seen crying and whispering in a darkened room about an argument she just had with her parents that she felt made no sense.
“I’m in the shower. I get out, and I am drying my hair, and my mom comes and bangs on the f*cking bathroom door like this,” she says in the video, mimicking the hard knock. “So I’m like, ‘What?’ and she goes, ‘You wanna have a f*cking spa day? Go to sleep! I need help!’ So I hurry up, and I get dressed, and I get out.”
@pvgtix46336 Mom’spinktotelids.#fyp#foryou#tiktok#mom#pink#tote#lids ♬ original sound – pvgtix46336
She says that she asked her mom what she wanted help with, to which her mother replied with a vague, “I need you to put the pink things in my room.”
Jaycie didn’t understand what her mother meant by “pink things” and told her as much, which she said caused her mother to explode in anger and shout swear words at her. Her dad joined the argument on her mother’s side.
The TikToker was crying as she said in the video, “They’re both just going off on me.”
Jaycie has since changed her profile description to say, “MY MOM IS NOT ABUSIVE” after her video went viral.
The Pink Tote Mom trend
The video went viral, and many others on TikTok shared their own pink tote lid moments of growing up with emotionally abusive parents.
TikToker @brees.a.dinosaur wrote in their TikTok overlay, “My pink tote lid moment was my dad coming into my room at 2 a.m. on a school night just to tell me he bought me ice cream. And when I wasn’t more excited, even though I was barely awake, he screamed at me for being disrespectful and not being more appreciative for him getting me ice cream. He didn’t leave my room until 4 a.m.”
@a.is.for.alex Havebt seen my dad for over 2 years 🎉 #fyp #fypシ #fypシ゚viral #pinktote #aisforalex #greenscreen ♬ original sound – ⭐️🍉Alex Star 🍉⭐️
@duhv1nky My whole childhood at home is pink tote lid moments like these
♬ What Was I Made For? – Billie Eilish
If you are a teen dealing with depression or other mental health issues, see PBS.org for a list of resources and organizations that can help you. If you are an adult, see Mental Health Resources.
If you are a survivor of domestic abuse or want more information on domestic violence and resources for victims, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline online or at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
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