A video on TikTok posted by @colecutzbrand has amassed 7.7 million views and close to 19,000 comments since its publication. In the video, the creator describes how his family members criticized him for being "bougie" and "stuck up" after he began setting healthy boundaries.
The creator, who goes by Roderick Cole, begins by explaining that children who decide to break the toxic cycle within a family are usually assigned the role of "villain." He continued by explaining that once that child chooses not to participate in the family dysfunction that most other family members have grown accustomed to, that's when they're accused of thinking they're "better than the rest" or "switching up."
@colecutzbrand Every toxic family has one person that starts breaking the cycle… and somehow that person becomes the villain.
♬ Last Hope (Slowed + Reverb) - Steve Ralph
Roderick went on to say that the reason some family members become uncomfortable with the person who breaks the cycle by setting healthy boundaries is because they lacked the discipline to break it themselves. He said, "Breaking the cycle will make the people who refuse to break it uncomfortable because your discipline exposes their excuses. . . Your boundaries will expose their entitlement."
Roderick said he once had a conversation with his brother in which he tried to give him valuable life advice, only for his brother to remind him of who he used to be. He appeared offended by Roderick's growth and evolution in life and tried to humble him by bringing up an older version of him that he was familiar with.
The Moment He Set Healthy Boundaries With His Family, Their True Colors Were Revealed
Roderick then said that another sibling told him that his own mother called him "bougie" and "stuck up" behind his back because he had changed his lifestyle and no longer entertained family chaos.
He explained further that part of setting healthy boundaries is being able to say "no" to family members who habitually ask for various favors because they assume you're able to accommodate them. These favors, he explained, can include financial assistance, housing accommodations, or other requests.
If you oblige, they will appreciate you. But the moment you refuse to help, their true colors are revealed. He said, "The moment you tell them no, that's when they gonna tell you how they really feel about you. . . That's when the disrespect come out. . . That's when you find out they never respected your boundaries in the first place."
Roderick then explained that the people in your family who benefited from the old version of you are often the ones who get upset when they can no longer benefit from you, making it a lonely task to be the person who breaks the toxic cycle in their family.
However, he said it's worth it because only when you remove yourself from the dysfunction will you be able to see the chaos and confusion that exists. He concluded with a warning: "Don't be surprised when they call you bougie. Don't be surprised when they say you changed. You're supposed to change."
Reactions to the video focused mainly on their own experiences with having to set healthy boundaries with their family members. One commenter said after graduating college, their mother asked if they thought they was better than her. They wrote, "I graduated from college and my birth mother asked if I thought I was better than her. I said no YOU think I'm better than you."
Another commenter said that when a person changes or sets boundaries, it forces others in the family to self-reflect. They wrote, "Because you become the 'mirror of truth' when you change. They're forced to look inward and it's too uncomfortable. It's easier to project the insecurities onto you."
A separate commenter said she cut contact with everyone in her family for the sake of peace. She wrote, "I stopped speaking to almost everyone in my family because my peace is WAY more important than their drama!"
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the claims made in the video, which are based solely on @colecutzbrand’s account of his experiences with his family.
