Child Psychotherapist Shares Six Rules for Parents of Teenagers, Including Ending Phone Punishments

A TikTok video posted by @the.therapy.shed shows her listing six rules for parents of teenagers that she said can help teenagers feel safe. The video was posted on Aug. 5, 2026, and had 134,700 likes and 9,410 comments as of publication.

The TikToker identified herself as a child psychotherapist. "If I could give every parent of a teenager just six rules, these would probably be them," she said. "And No. 6 might upset a few people."

Her first rule was to tell teenagers they would never be in trouble for telling the truth. She said a child might have searched for something frightening, gone somewhere off limits, or drunk too much. "Your first job is to get them safe, not to teach them a lesson," she said. "Consequences can wait. Safety can't."

The second was an emergency code. She suggested agreeing on a simple text, "maybe just an X." A parent who receives it should phone right away. They should "invent a reason that they have to come home," such as "Grandad's ill, the dog has escaped."

She said this allows teenagers to "leave without looking embarrassed." Afterward, when they're home, parents should not interrogate them. "You just get them home safely."

Her third rule covered uncomfortable subjects like "p*rnography, n*des, alcohol, drugs, consent, coercion, unhealthy relationships." She said teenagers may avoid them because they feel awkward, not because they do not matter. "If you don't have the conversation first, somebody else will."

Fourth, parents should stay calm. "When they tell you something difficult, your face matters," she said. A panicked, shouting, or angry first response teaches teenagers that "their honesty isn't safe," she said. A parent who listens calmly makes it more likely that teenagers "come back the next time something goes wrong."

The fifth rule was to invite teenagers to the "grown-up table." When mornings, curfews, or freedom rules are not working, the parents should open the discussion instead of closing it. She suggested asking, "What do you think would be fair?" and "How could you reassure me about the worries I have?"

She also suggested asking, "If this agreement wasn't kept, what do you think a fair consequence would be?" She said that, in her experience, "teenagers are often much harder on themselves than their parents would ever have been." Teenagers who help create the rules, she said, "are far more likely to respect them."

The sixth rule was the one she expected to upset people. "Stop taking away their phones as punishment," the TikToker said. A phone, for a teenager, is "their social life, their support network, and sometimes their safest way of contacting you."

"In all my years working with families, I've never met one who successfully stopped their teenager from accessing their phone," she claimed. Teenagers "borrow one, hide one or find another way." She said, "What often changes isn't their behaviour. It's their honesty."

She concluded: "Your goal isn't to raise a teenager who never makes mistakes. It's to raise one who calls you when they do. I hope that helps."

One commenter wrote about a code in their own home. "We have a code. If my daughter says 'pretty please,' then my job is to say no and force her to come home."

Another commenter disagreed with the first rule. "You can tell us everything you wont [sic] get in trouble," they wrote. "Guess who got in trouble every time I opened up to my parents."

A third commenter added a rule of their own. "Never lie about where you are," they wrote. "My mum always said she would rather know where I was (even if dodgy)." The commenter said a missing teenager who lied could cost police hours. "That scared me enough to be honest!"

The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the creator's professional experience or identity. The details above reflect the TikTok video and comments posted beneath it.