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Everything you thought you knew about Thanksgiving is a lie

John Green debunks Thanksgiving, and it ain’t pretty.

Photo of Aja Romano

Aja Romano

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Happy Thanksgiving, Americans! Did you know that pilgrims never wore those little hats? Do you feel as betrayed as we do? Is everything you knew about Thanksgiving a lie? Pretty much, as Vlogbrother and general all-around debunker John Green tells us in a special holiday video for Mental Floss.

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It takes a YouTube celebrity as affable as John Green to break the terrible news to us about our favorite culinary holiday. In “25 Little-Known Facts About Thanksgiving,” Green takes us on a dizzying reminder that history never happens quite the way we tell ourselves. Sure, Thanksgiving probably started in 1621 with a three-day fest hosted by the Pilgrims, but no one ate turkey or wore buckles, and Native Americans may not even have shown up.

Popcorn wasn’t even a peaceful gift shared between Native Americans and colonists. And although harvest-time festivals were celebrated around the colonies, it took nearly 250 years and the efforts of a Thanksgiving zealot named Sarah Hale (who incidentally wrote the nursery rhyme “Mary Had a Little Lamb”) to spur President Lincoln into making it a national holiday.

Is there no truth to the lie of Thanksgiving?

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Nope. Just wait til you hear what you should be eating instead of turkey and cranberry sauce.

Green, the award-winning Young Adult novelist and Nerdfighter, cut his teeth writing at Mental Floss, which specializes in dispensing humorous, little-known factoids. He’s been hosting videos on its YouTube channel since March. In this video, as in others, he punctuates his facts with a “science” experiment, in this case attempting to eat a slice of bread with a knife and spoon.

Why? Forks hadn’t been invented yet.

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“So this year I challenge you to celebrate like real Pilgrims and share a lovely meal of passenger pigeon with your family on Thanksgiving,” deadpans Green.

Too bad they’re extinct.

Just like all your Thanksgiving illusions.

Screengrab via YouTube

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