The savvy conversationalist knows that certain statements must never be uttered, since they sound like lies even when they’re absolutely true. If you don’t believe this, try talking your way out of trouble sometime by saying “The check is in the mail” or “Honey, I swear this isn’t what it looks like.”
A more comprehensive listing of such cry-wolf topics is available on Twitter today, where the hashtag #FamousLies started trending. So what other conversational pitfalls should be avoided, lest you strain your reputation for honesty?
For starters, if you plan to cut back on your drinking, you should probably just do it without saying anything about it, judging by how many identically worded tweets (as opposed to re-tweets) of phrases like “Just one more drink” or “I’m never going to drink again” showed up on the search results..
Declarations of romantic intent also inspire much skepticism. Many Twitterers deemed “I love you” a famous lie. Love’s cousin lust didn’t inspire much trust either. Don’t say you’ve never had sex. Don’t say it’s been awhile since last you had sex. Don’t say you’ve had only a small number of previous sexual partners, and don’t say you’re monogamous; you’ll be suspected of lying each time.
If you are the victim of poor Internet or cell phone service, beware: your honest excuses regarding your lack of communication are probably not believed. The “Famous Lies” hashtag was given to countless variants of “I Didn’t Get The Text !” “I didn’t get your text,” “I Didn’t Get Your Call/Text . . .” and so forth.
Nor do people believe it when they hear, “I sent you that email. okay let me resend it” or
“i sent th email, le me resend if u dint c it! @hitsnothomework,” “i didnt get that email” or “Oh I’m sorry, I never got ur call/email/text. That’s so weird!”
So don’t say you never saw an email or text they sent, don’t say you sent an email or text they didn’t see, and don’t discuss plans to send messages in the future, since “i’ll text you” also made the famous-lie list.
Bad news for anyone asked any variant of the question “Do I look fat?” Saying “yes” is considered rude, but if you say no, many Twitterers will think you’re lying.
Not everyone on Twitter interpreted “Famous Lies” to mean “lies we all hear in everyday conversation.” Some chose instead to mention lies made famous by an actual celebrity or made-up fictional character: “‘[H]ey baby, i love you, i will never cheat on you..” by Tiger Woods.” (Actual celebrity.)
“From The movie TITANIC. “I’ll never let you go, Jack. I promise.” *Lets go of Jack’s hand, he sinks and dies.*” (Made-up fictional character.)
“Till death do us part – @KimKardashian & @KrisHumphries” (Not sure.)
And there’s one famous lie which all non-Amish Americans have probably told at one time or other: “I have read and accepted all terms and conditions.”
