There’s a distinct group of older men some might casually refer to as “shitbabies.” I can’t, because I’m an unbiased journalist—but others happily would. These men are active Twitter users and purported intellectuals with, ahem, certain worldviews.
One example of a shitbaby, if you’re the type to use the term, is Bill Maher. Another example is Erick Erickson. (Remember when he threw a tantrum and shot a newspaper? Classic!) Another of this ilk who is no longer alive is Christopher Hitchens, who once wrote an essay about why women aren’t funny. They’re everywhere.
Dealing w/ Hamas is like dealing w/ a crazy woman who’s trying to kill u – u can only hold her wrists so long before you have to slap her
— Bill Maher (@billmaher) July 18, 2014
Something many of these dudes have in common is a racist attitude toward Muslim people. They think it’s important to tweet about how all Muslims are terrorists. This is simply not true, and, moreover, extremely counterproductive. Racist tweets about Muslims can inspire literal violence against innocent people who have brown skin or who are open about practicing their religion.
https://twitter.com/orientdistress/status/678586914560151553
The member of this cabal I’d like to discuss today is a man named Richard Dawkins, a 74-year-old white man who is famous for being an atheist. He was once married to a woman named Eve, and my name is Eve, and it makes me sad that I share a name with one of his ex-wives. For more information you can visit his Wikipedia page. That’s where I discovered much of this fascinating information.
Adam and Eve in the @britishlibrary #Beatus map https://t.co/15gr2YCWfY f.40r #Visigothic pic.twitter.com/FPvgqBDObe
— Ainoa Castro (@ainoa_castro) January 4, 2016
One non-shitbaby thing Richard Dawkins did in his life was coin the term “meme.” I wouldn’t have a career in viral content if he didn’t do this, and for that I do have to thank him.
Should I make my own version of this meme? pic.twitter.com/eKfe719V9N
— Cabbage Cat (@CabbageCatMemes) January 2, 2016
But a cool thing about the Internet is that we have infinite opportunities to troll Richard Dawkins when he reverts to shitbaby behavior. And in the last year there are have been some real winners. Let’s begin with some tweets that make it feel as if Dawkins is already trolling himself:
Spent the eve with 4 philosophers trying to convince myself we need them. Surely we can all think clearly anyway? Then I remembered Twitter.
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) November 7, 2015
Sometimes he made no sense:
Actually, as biologists go, I’m as close as you’ll get to believing flying horses could evolve. But, like bats, they’d be too small to ride.
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) December 29, 2015
Sometimes he didn’t understand jokes:
@bencjenkins No of course I didn’t say it. I don’t even get the joke. If it is a joke.
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) July 28, 2015
Back in 2013, Dawkins got sad because he couldn’t bring honey onto an airplane. As the rest of the world understands, it’s standard practice to not allow liquids on airplanes because of “terrorism” or whatever. But Dawkins was not pleased.
Bin Laden has won, in airports of the world every day. I had a little jar of honey, now thrown away by rule-bound dundridges. STUPID waste.
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) November 3, 2013
And still, in 2015, Dawkins hadn’t quite come to terms with the honey situation—as trolls were still getting under his skin about it.
Do you idiots seriously think I give a damn about my stupid honey? It’s the PRINCIPLE I care about. Get it? Principle, not honey, principle.
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) November 3, 2013
https://twitter.com/tideoftrash/status/679120422672011264
sometimes i think “maybe we should ease up on dawkins honey thing” then i remember he wrote a whole article about it pic.twitter.com/2LUbdO7a95
— leon (@leyawn) December 22, 2015
Richie (or Dick, as we should probably call him) also got sad when Glenn Greenwald called out his Islamophobia in 2013. They’ve continued to feud because Twitter is a magical wonderland that allows middle-aged men to publicly argue without end or shame.
https://twitter.com/ggreenwald/status/613306596274343936
The verb “to greenwald” is gaining currency pic.twitter.com/elDBOEVKI8
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) December 30, 2015
OED requires that it’s used while no longer needing explicit definition.
Speaking of anti-Muslim rhetoric, I have to tip my cap to @orientdistress, infamous for her love of Edward Snowden and brilliant takedowns of Islamophobic garbage, for beautifully owning Dawkins this year. After a young Muslim boy was accused of bringing a bomb to school—and it turned out to be a homemade clock—74-year-old Dawkins tweeted:
Don’t call him “clock boy” since he never made a clock. Hoax Boy, having hoaxed his way into the White House, now wants $15M in addition!
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) November 24, 2015
Thankfully, @muslamichoe clapped the fuck back:
https://twitter.com/orientdistress/status/670688470705246208
https://twitter.com/orientdistress/status/670679896121823235
https://twitter.com/orientdistress/status/673142750968180736
And of course there’s @virgiltexas, who trolled Dawkins in the best possible way. This was a carefully planned attack. First, @humanpog instructed Dawkins to unblock @virgiltexas.
@RichardDawkins hey unblock @virgiltexas he’s one of the good ones. that is all.
— capitalism liker (@HumanPog) December 28, 2015
Virgil started off slow, letting ol’ Dick know that he had something to share with him.
@HumanPog @RichardDawkins Professor, I’ve something fascinating to share with you.
— Virgil Texas (@virgiltexas) December 28, 2015
Little Richie granted him permission.
@virgiltexas OK, so share it then
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) December 28, 2015
And boom! Trolled!
@RichardDawkins God is Real
— Virgil Texas (@virgiltexas) December 28, 2015
Dawkins had clearly forgotten why he blocked this dude in the first place.
@RichardDawkins btw God is Real
— Virgil Texas (@virgiltexas) January 10, 2015
https://twitter.com/virgiltexas/status/412149993449869312
https://twitter.com/virgiltexas/status/412151797470334976
https://twitter.com/virgiltexas/status/471211029863464960
@RichardDawkins *sound of car pulling up, door opening, running* God is Real
— Virgil Texas (@virgiltexas) June 20, 2014
The sad thing is Dick Dawkins can’t even take a joke.
@virgiltexas Is that it? That’s the important message for which you got me to unblock you? Blocked again, timewaster.
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) December 28, 2015
To sum up Dawkins’ 2015:
rip to richard dawkins. he got so angry at so many things this year that he died. here i am visiting his grave pic.twitter.com/vC9tT0T3PP
— leon (@leyawn) December 23, 2015
Now that it’s 2016, we’ll need to troll Dawkins harder than ever before. To reiterate, here is a list of things Dicky D does not like:
- God
- Religion in general
- Islam
- TSA regulations regarding honey
Here is a list of things Dicky D really, really likes:
- Atheism
- Darwin
- “Science”
- Islamophobia
- Honey
So how do we best troll Dawkins in 2016?
- Deliberately confuse him with Richard Dawson from Family Feud.
- Photoshop a picture of him and the pope hanging out.
- Photoshop him into The Last Supper.
- Send pots of honey and religious texts to the Richard Dawkins Foundation.
- Point out that “atheist” isn’t capitalized like “Christian,” “Muslim,” or “Buddhist.”
- Offer to pray for him.
- Ask if he’s excited to see what heaven is like.
- Make a case for Lamarckian evolution.
- Tell him he’s a racist, keep telling him he’s a racist—maybe he’ll get it, just a little bit.
Honestly, though, just about anything you tweet with “@RichardDawkins” should piss him off. So have at it—and have fun!
Update 9:45am CT, Jan. 7: Updated a Twitter username.
H/T New York Magazine | Photo via David Shankbone/Flickr (CC BY SA 2.0) | Miss Wetzel’s Art Class/Flickr (CC BY SA 2.0) | Remix by Jason Reed
