These Tinder messages on valentines are straight-up terrifying

How do I love thee? Let me count the negs.

Miles Klee

Updated on May 29 2021 1:13 pm CDT

https://www.flickr.com/photos/lukema/16328038770/in/photolist-qSRt4Q-fzDHUF-brqnPk-bmUtVB-7w7CNr-bmz9Re-dUXQW1-9FaV2-bssCTe-5mhkYW-5md4zz-r4U8HL-4s5aD3-oWYhkm-9haCm8-4s7PAw-k5X6Sj-9h5niE-k4TTrD-7xxKyM-dUHcxD-9Nz36-7C1vAy-AwPyW-k4ztEs-k4vMue-dUVb5J-k6FehL-bttVmz-7yM1tH-5md4yt-5mhm19-5md4Cv-5md4Aa-5mhkR7-5md4K2-7D14h6-9Fa6e-9icBsy-7BWG9c-5md4Lr-4w1mZh-2qSUN1-4scFQ3-r44NcX-7EsQb1-k54mxX-5Z6dkC-btgDrk-boSFgB

Tinder messages from dudes are 100 percent garbage, but as this Tumblr proves, they’re even creepier when you read them on a big pink Valentine’s Day heart.

Yes, in the grand tradition of PornHub Comments on Valentines, Tinder Messages on Valentines plumbs the gross imagination of the average horny bro to deliver epistolary odes that merit nothing less than awed silence. Read on if you dare.

Tumblr

Come on, fellas—you’re gonna want to save some of these lines for when you’re sloshed on St. Patrick’s day.

Photo by Luke Ma/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Share this article

Miles Klee

Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He’s the author of two odd books of fiction, ‘Ivyland’ and ‘True False.’