This article contains explicit content and may be NSFW.
I’d like to think there are more than a few of you out there holding onto a deep, dark, unshakable kink that you’ve never reveal. Not because it’s uncouth—it’s more that nobody else on earth could possibly understand.
Let’s say, for instance, that you’re turned on by hot girls eating pizza. Not, like, circumstantially; not in a “wow that girl is hot and also she’s eating pizza” way. Those two elements need to be fundamentally entwined to produce a truly vicious orgasm. You’d feel pretty isolated, right?
But don’t worry! Everything is going to be OK, because now we have r/truesexypizza, a subreddit dedicated to, quite specifically, hot semi-nude people preparing, posing with, and enjoying pizza. Go ahead and scroll through. It’s exactly what you expect, and pretty NSFW.
https://imgur.com/GziVU1U
The hilarious thing about r/truesexypizza is the vast majority of its images come from one user, an enigmatic icon named OfficialCardinalSins who also serves as the subreddit’s moderator. I am the Internet’s ardent watchman, so naturally I tracked down OfficialCardinalSins to try and make sense of r/truesexypizza.
Is it a joke? Is he taking the piss? On the other side of our correspondence, I’m still not sure.
When did you first get the idea for r/truesexypizza?
Sometimes you’ll walk into a house where pizza is baking and the smell immediately hits you, it goes straight to your brain and you can pinpoint that exact moment your hunger began. Other times, however, it is not so clear cut; as someone begins to bake pizza, you could smell nothing, only for that fragrance to slowly grow stronger until you can’t ignore it. My interest in sexy pizza developed much like that gradual growing aroma—it was with me before I even realized it was there.
Once I realized I had this strange pizza passion, I knew that it had been subconsciously influencing my behavior for some time. My lovers and I would be sprawled in post-coital bliss, and I would begin to crave not a smoke, like they do in the movies, but a smoking hot slice of sexy pizza. I would, without thinking much of it, always suggest the local pizza parlor as the venue for potential dates. The moment of realization came when I was applying for a pizza delivery job, as the interviewer asked me about various pizza-related topics, I found myself growing incredibly aroused. I got so turned on that I had to excuse myself to the ladies room, look up “sexy pizza” on my phone, and satisfy my lust right then and there. Recovering from one of the most intense orgasms of my life, I did my best to fix my now-disheveled clothing and return to the interview. I was nervous and still a little bit horny for the remainder of the interview, and the interviewer could tell that something was off; I didn’t get the job. I cried myself to sleep that night, having realized what I pizza freak I was—r/truesexypizza is my way of telling the world that being a pizza freak is nothing to be ashamed of.
View post on imgur.com
What turns you on about hot girls with pizza?
What’s NOT to like about hot girls with pizza?
I should clarify, though, that r/truesexypizza is for everyone, not just girls. Sexy pizzas can come with big sausage schlongs, pepperoni nipples, and everything else sexy people like to show off.
Hot girl posts do tend to rise to the top and be the most popular, though—so expect to see plenty of them when you visit.
You’re remarkably dedicated to the subreddit—you keep it pretty active all by yourself? What motivates you? Are you just generally passionate about it?
I love sexy pizza because I love myself. I never want to again feel that self-loathing I did after that fateful interview, and I don’t want anyone else to feel that way about themselves either. That is why I am passionate about sexy pizza. There is nothing wrong about loving beautiful, erotic pizza. PIZZA FREAKS UNITE!
Also, while most of the posts are mine, not all of them are; everybody is welcome to submit sexy pizza pictures! Speaking of, I would be remiss if I failed to mention user GlamorousCuttlefish. They were the first non-moderator to post a submission (it was a photo of the delightful Olivia Munn chowing down on a slice of scrumptious looking pizza—very sexy), and as such have been honored with the title of “Primo Ospite” or “First Guest.”
Is SexyPizza a joke? Is it completely serious? Is it somewhere in between?
I understand why you are asking this question, and I understand that the concept of “sexy pizza” can seem a bit ridiculous. It’s no joke, though. Pizza and sex have much more in common than most people realize. They are both incredibly popular, enjoyed by people from all strata of society. They also both fulfill some of people’s baser needs, and yet can, and often are, elevated to the level of art. To me, sex and pizza seem like a natural pairing.
https://imgur.com/C2q2haa
Are you into any other combination of girls and food? Do girls and burgers do it for you at all?
Girls and burgers? That is a bit ridiculous.
With the burgeoning popularity of SexyPizza, are there any other subreddits you’re interested in starting?
I do have other interests that I think deserve their own subreddits; sexy monocles and sexy socialism come to mind. My focus is on r/truesexypizza for the time being, however.
What’s your favorite kind of pizza?
All pizzas are good pizzas: r/truesexypizza is a place for celebrating the diversity of people and pies.
As for my personal preference, anything made with love is welcome in my mouth—especially when that love includes my partners’ “special sauce.”
https://imgur.com/PBqiP7E
Is there a limit to the amount of Sexy Pizza content? Will there come a day where you won’t be able to find any more pictures that combine hot girls and pizza? Or are you confident that there will always be more stuff to dig up?
With how much material there is already out there, finding content won’t be an issue for a very long time. I also hope that r/truesexypizza will inspire people to make their own sexy pizza content. I’m already in talks with another user, brainstorming ideas for creative pictures she could take of herself. GoneWild-style self posts are definitely in store for the future of r/truesexypizza.
Illustration by Max Fleishman
