First there was Zola, and then the Gucci flip flop. Even the sushi date from hell. And now, one Twitter user KelliAmirah has brought us: the shady Uber driver.
Last Tuesday, Kelli shared the harrowing tale of how she mustered up the courage to ask out her Uber driver.
https://twitter.com/KelliAmirah/status/806182837783330816
It all started on Saturday night, when me and my friends got an uber to this party.
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
The driver called to let me know he was outside and I’m like bet, we’re coming. Hung up. Made the observation that his voice was fine af
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Excuse us, her extremely hot Uber driver.
So we get in the car and I realize the voice match the person. He fine. He light bright. Got a beard. Wearing glasses. All good things
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So there’s minor small talk in the car, nothing major, And our destination is quickly approaching. But I’m not ready to shoot yet
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Given the brief encounter that an Uber ride brings, Kelli and her friend are trying to figure out how she should really go about doing this.
Meanwhile me and my friend in the car texting about the whole thing while she’s in the front seat and I’m in the back pic.twitter.com/DsUyd3nhul
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
And then she just goes for it! Well, kind of.
So like we pulling up to the spot and I don’t know what to do. So then I spur of the moment accidentally on-purpose leave my charger behind
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I’m like oops. Looks like I’ll just have to contact the driver about my lost item pic.twitter.com/qDU9LI6a8q
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I wait about a half hour or so before I go to the uber app to contact my driver about my “lost item” pic.twitter.com/vLPUsYoJZu
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I’m calling, and the phone is ringing… and ringing… Y’all I’m at this party in a corner like pic.twitter.com/Ub5zEXkkvh
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
… and then it goes to voicemail. But I wasn’t too hurt cuz it’s also like 1 am. I leave a message and decide to try again tomorrow
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
The next day, Kelli’s little stunt starts to look like a DJ Khaled “Congratulations, you played yourself,” scenario.
So the next day I still haven’t heard shit back from this man. Mind you, I left my good charger in his car so my phone battery on struggle
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So like midday, around 2ish I call again… and once again get sent to voicemail pic.twitter.com/cBeeIfJYUc
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I leave another message but at this point I’m thinking how stupid this was. What if this man just keeps my charger? Why you do this Kelli
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
It finally reaches like midnight on Sunday and I still have heard nothing back. At this point, I’m ready to take the L pic.twitter.com/aJD3WTQOdT
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I go in the uber app & fill out the info on my lost item in hopes that maybe Uber can get this nigga to respond, because calling not working
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
And almost all is lost…
So fast forward to Monday night, I’m pressed, tryna cram for my Econ final. Questioning my whole college existence at this point TBH. pic.twitter.com/3srHehfbGI
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
UNTIL!!!
In the midst of my studying, I check my phone and see a new message from an unknown number pic.twitter.com/RBUhFQ6zxG
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I’m excited. I finally got a response. I’m gonna get my charger back. And now I can actually shoot my shot. pic.twitter.com/gStfZ0jkBF
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I let him know I’m free today in between my finals from 11-2. He’s like send the address and I’ll try to make it. I’m like bet pic.twitter.com/K9Zw3SDoR2
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Finally, all Kelli has to do is get through this final of hers, and then it is HELLO UBER DRIVER.
So fast forward to today. I’d been up all night studying Econ. Up at the ass crack of morning. Tiredt. Stressed. A mess honestly. pic.twitter.com/gGjhCqk0Hb
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Went and took my final at 8 am and was back in my dorm by 9:15. Y’all I was so tired. I set some alarms and knocked out
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
But of course he gets back to her at the least opportune moment.
So after snoozing like three different alarms I wake back up at 11 something and check my phone. He texted. pic.twitter.com/Pzfz3xFRI7
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Mind you, I look like death. Crust in my eyes, face bare. Wearing sweats and a hoodie. Looking hurt. pic.twitter.com/DxapoUL8gn
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I text him & ask if he can give me 20 min cuz I was in the middle of something. Really I needed time to get my life together & beat my face
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
No. 1 rule about starting a Twitter story thread is having the phone battery charge to last the entire story—c’mon Kelli!
Hold on my phone bout to die.
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Alright I found an outlet. Let’s continue
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
But after a brief BRB, Kelli is back with the story.
So 20 min later I’ve achieved a light beat, look a little more put together. I’m ready. pic.twitter.com/yBODFZwv07
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So of course, like most shy people, Kelli is starting to have all these second thoughts about asking him out.
Now this entire time I’m texting all my friends trying to figure out how I’m gonna shoot this shot. I’m shy and just trash at shooting shots
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So he finally texts me saying he’s here right as I finish my face. And now my anxiety acting up. I’m thinking bout if I really wanna do this pic.twitter.com/saR15bNr6S
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Luckily @RadicalBreezyy had come to my room and was hyping me up, making sure I didn’t chicken out
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So he lets me know where his car is and I’m like it’s go time. Don’t be a lil bitch. Take a breath and head outside pic.twitter.com/GezfGotFsc
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Hooooo girl, here goes nothing.
I head outside, into this brick ass drizzle, and I’m like sicing myself up as I walk. pic.twitter.com/aGpk6PCNQH
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I get to the car and knock on the passenger side window and he rolls it down. My anxiety… through the roof.
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Me on the inside: pic.twitter.com/onpFSI2LrS
So I say hey and he’s like “oh hey wassup” and looks for my charger for .2 sec before handing it to me.
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Now I have a good ass look at his face & I’m like he too fine, I can’t back down.So I’m thanking him for bringing it & he’s like no problem
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
And now, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH!
I can tell he’s about to make moves to leave so it’s now or never. Time to actually shoot this shot
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I say, “Excuse me if this is really forward, but would you like to go out sometime?” pic.twitter.com/XyomQzyHAn
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
AND THEN THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED!!!
And then he like chuckles and smiles, and says “Text me” pic.twitter.com/nHbiEn2Div
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So yeah. I shot my shot. It actually was successful. The end.
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I did not mean for this thread to be so long but I told it how I would tell a story in real life and I like details so yeah. Sorry
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
That’s it, right? Happily ever after? Of course not, because life’s biggest Ls are best served piping hot.
Four days later, Kelli received the rudest of awakenings.
Update: I hate my life. pic.twitter.com/bapaxnVFLI
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
This man is married. Has a whole ass wife. What.
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
I’m really just sitting here so befuddled…
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
Why not just tell me upfront thooo. “Wanna go out sometime?” “I’m married” “okay cool. Bye”
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
update: left on read pic.twitter.com/FNpOx5PwXU
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
Update: he said “you’re welcome” https://t.co/jJuO2nboAz
— Ffrenchie thee Stallion✨ (@TheKelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
What’s up with this Uber driver? Bless you, Kelli, for sharing this cautionary tale, and may you have better luck next time with Lyft.
