This article contains explicit material and may be NSFW.
Thank god: Somebody has finally made a Donald Trump porn parody.
WoodRocket, the filthy geniuses who gave us that captivating XXX Pokémon spoof and the instantly iconic Bob’s Boners, now bring us a sexy political farce thats bound to get some people fired up: Donald Tramp.
The plot of the dirty flick could have gone just about anywhere. Steamy orgy scene with the other GOP candidates? Mutual oral on the 69th floor of Trump Tower? Really, the opportunities were endless. But instead WoodRocket kept things pretty standard, with the Trump impersonator screwing a female moderator journalist after a one-on-one interview.
Yawn.
WoodRocket
Dick Chibbles stars as Donald Tramp—you might recognize him from past works such as Porks & Recreation. Trinity St. Clair plays opposite Chibbles, as a lady friend who may or may not be based off of Megyn Kelly. (She probably isn’t, though, because she seems much more aware of minority issues than the Fox News anchor.)
And while you’d expect the porno to be total garbage, the storyline and dialogue are actually pretty entertaining. Here are just a couple of the best lines from this humorous hot mess:
- “Then you will be drawn to my ideas like a very special episode of Shark Tank” is fucking smart because really, nobody can turn off an episode of the ABC show when there’s a little kid trying to start a business helping injured sloths or something.
- Donald Tramp sets his net worth at “a cock-a-billion dollars.” What is the cock-to-numeral conversion rate? Is there inflation? I’m confused… yet intrigued.
- When the dick finally comes out, it’s referred to as a “power cock,” which is just such a horribly written line that it’s actually genius.
- “Is it true you’re a comment troll brought to life?” This is the best description of D.T. that I have ever heard.
- Tramp jabs at Jeb with, “If you’re named Jeb and you’re not a pink-haired rock singer, then you’re in the wrong business.” Exactly what any normal human thinks when they hear Jeb’s name.
- “Now let’s have sex while I whisper racist comments in your ear” is probably the most realistic yet depressing line in the whole parody. Perhaps you’d like to hear about his feelings on border control?
WoodRocket
The most disappointing part of the whole thing, though, is that when Tramp finally unleashes his load on St. Clair’s bosom, they fail to make a money shot joke. What a huge missed opportunity.
Other than that, the spoof actually functions as a self-aware critique of the fact that Trump’s political trajectory has been both entertainingly frustrating and extremely worrisome. At first, St. Clair’s character is totally uninterested in having sex with Tramp. But then he says he’ll use his “ranting billionaire charm” to win her over and starts doing this hypnotic sort of stare through squinted eyes. Next thing you know, he’s taking off her shirt, and she’s totally DTF.
Sounds oddly familiar, no? Watch the whole thing here—if you dare.
Photos via WoodRocket
