In news no one ever expected to read about, a bull semen factory in Australia caught fire on Tuesday and exploded. A bull semen factory, for those wondering, is actually more of a semen storage facility that also performs artificial insemination of cows—in this case, at least, the actual semen collection process happens elsewhere. The explosions were caused by the cryogenically frozen cylinders of bull semen pressurizing due to the heat, forcing the lids off and the contents out at high speed. The fire took ten hours to extinguish, with the firefighters in “defensive mode” to protect themselves from the bull semen projectiles.
Naturally, everyone lost their mind upon hearing the news. The jokes pretty much wrote themselves.
https://twitter.com/gtpwoody/status/1174404829927673856
Maybe the *real* massive semen explosion at the cum factory was in our hearts, this whole time
— bryan lee wieder (@BryanAgain) September 18, 2019
https://twitter.com/michelleryderxx/status/1174098283767066624
https://twitter.com/WilisMovingOut/status/1174364224358879232
Explosion! at the Bull Semen Factory
— dang laser (@youranalogbuddy) September 18, 2019
There were almost too many choices for headline writers.
You may have seen this story on Twitter multiple times today. I am pretty sure you have not seen a better headline for it, though. https://t.co/FODlaflRMj via @AV_Newswire
— Alex “Not Here Anymore Due To Musk/X Being Evil” (@alexm247) September 17, 2019
We live in a world where there was a semen explosion at a cum factory and every publication is trying to use words that don’t make it sound like there was a semen explosion at a cum factory.
— Ross W Berman IV (Philosopher Pirate) (@RossWBermanIV) September 18, 2019
A list of headlines we really didn’t want to use regarding the explosion at the semen factory https://t.co/CdZ6zOQdaA pic.twitter.com/Ub46ok1bk0
— Jezebel (@Jezebel) September 17, 2019
https://twitter.com/GMPaiella/status/1174050686046261249
Today on Twitter:
— Tom James (@TomPJames) September 18, 2019
– BoJo says there’s ‘no press here’, in front of loads of press
– Allegedly, Homophobia to increase in Toronto because Chick-fil-a is opening
– Students at ‘Christian’ seminary confess their sins to a bunch of plants
– Explosion at a bull semen factory
what 🙃
In any other era “Explosion at Bull Semen Factory” would be the strangest headline, in 2019 it isn’t even the weirdest of the week. https://t.co/2G1VB9tLuW
— Johnny Normality (Even More Still Spooky Mode) (@Probgoblin) September 18, 2019
More than one person saw a Chernobyl remake in this.
HBO presents… Chernobyl 2: Bull Semen Factory Explosion https://t.co/q6lOm2bsyB
— Ben Bowman (@BowmanInc) September 18, 2019
BULL CUM FACTORY WORKER: sir the bull cum is becoming increasingly volatile. we cant continue jerking off their massive hogs at this pace
— TORMABLAS PARODYIACKLELALES (@Tormny_Pickeals) September 18, 2019
MANAGER WITH HANDS TIED DUE TO CAPITALIST PRODUCTION DEMANDS: we have heard your concerns, but we must persist. the investors demand more cum
BULL CUM FACTORY WORKER: the failsafe… it does nothing! the bulls are still cumming! theyve been… edging. not even talking about baseball batting averages is stopping them
— TORMABLAS PARODYIACKLELALES (@Tormny_Pickeals) September 18, 2019
MANAGER [in denial]: no. the banner of the ugly cow has stopped the bull cum. theyre refractory now
Of course, there were puns.
when did the story break? this may be a…. premature evaluation
— Tom Kretchmar (@tkretchmar) September 17, 2019
ugh weak F- sorry cancel me
https://twitter.com/jfunne/status/1174338243808153601
https://twitter.com/ShainMaine/status/1174395747669807104
It’s Bull-kkake season. (Bull semen, bukkake)
— Cardoski (@Cardoski99) September 18, 2019
Twitter user @jamesgraham drew attention to the amazing coincidence that was the Vagina Museum opening on the very same day.
Can you positively deny that the opening of the @vagina_museum happening on the same day as that bull semen factory explosion happening is a complete coincidence? pic.twitter.com/zqhxuGz8aq
— James Graham (@jamesgraham) September 18, 2019
And finally, @Iheartnoise may have the best take on the entire matter: “The entire 2019 feels like massive semen explosion at the bull factory.”
The entire 2019 feels like massive semen explosion at the bull factory
— Billy Joel / France is Bacon / Bryan Eno (@Iheartnoise) September 17, 2019
If you’ll ask me…
Big mood @Iheartnoise, big mood.
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