It’s called Trump Temptation: The Billionaire and the Bellboy, and it’s already a bestseller on Amazon—topping both the “Gay Erotica” and “Humorous Erotica” lists on Wednesday.
But while the steamy, disgusting, gay fanfic about GOP frontrunner Donald Trump is hilarious and sexually arousing in a deeply horrifying way that will make you reconsider the frequency of your visits to your therapist’s office, the best thing about the ebook is the fact that its author wrote it—while totally plastered—after threatening to do so on Twitter.
i’m going to get drunk tonight and write an entire donald trump sex novel like 50 shades of grey & put it on amazon tomorrow i swear to god.
— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) January 21, 2016
I DEAD ASS AM WRITING A BOOK BASED OFF THIS FUCKING ARTICLE TONIGHT https://t.co/jR9v10krrN
— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) January 21, 2016
Elijah Daniel, a comedian and Vine star with a mysterious past (as a hotel bellboy, perhaps), not only made good on his threat to drunkenly pen the greasy Trump spank-fest—he even crowdsourced some of the novel’s plot line from his Twitter followers.
how should my character meet trump
— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) January 21, 2016
bell boy it is. book is called “Trump Temptations: The Billionaire & The Bell Boy” this is a real thing that is happening.
— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) January 21, 2016
“His ass flapped behind him like a mouthwatering stack of pancakes. And my hunger for pancakes had never been stronger” #TrumpTemptations
— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) January 21, 2016
this book will be live on amazon tomorrow r u going to read it
— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) January 21, 2016
On Sunday, Daniel discovered that not only had Amazon accepted his alluring heap of hot gay garbage, the book had quickly surpassed the sales of other, more well-known erotica authors.
I just beat out the girl who wrote 50 shades of grey in the top erotica authors of amazon someone stab me
— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) January 24, 2016
Getting shitfaced and fantasizing about Donald Trump’s balls slapping against a bellboy’s ass can pay off big in Hollywood, as it turns out. Daniel told the Washington Post on Tuesday that in the week since his Trump porn went viral, he created and sold two television pilots to a production company in Los Angeles.
Daniel is only 22.
The book itself is one long burn, and features some of the best (albeit downright creepiest) insults ever written. Standout passages include “his face is wrinkled like a beautiful overflowing flesh toilet” and “the door creaked open and there he was, handsome as ever, like a giant melting fat carrot with fake hair.” Strangely alluring… and also, hungry-making.
Daniel told Paper magazine on Tuesday that he doesn’t actually hate Donald Trump: “I don’t hate Trump. I just hate his hair, his voice, his face, and everything he stands for.”
The response to The Billionaire and the Bellboy alone is worth checking out, too. On Amazon, reviews were almost as funny as the ebook itself.
“By far the best book I’ve read in the last 20 minutes.”
“This is a novella of utmost decorum, A spurt of gay passion so great! All that was missing was a whiff of Santorum (Perhaps as Trump’s running mate?)”
“Excellent portrayal of the love life of a wealthy, mutated pumpkin.”
“I am satisfied…that Trump is definitely not a rubber sack filled with writhing red salamanders.”
“Really made me want to pop a molly, strip down, and rub my body with a toupée.”
“More compelling than the Bible.”
Dramatic readings and musical theater numbers are employing the book’s tender passages, which have spawned nothing short of a literary subgenre.
https://vine.co/v/iiuTnVLJaiH
https://vine.co/v/ieQMVzKdZjx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxACRtO5ZDc
Without even having to finish out the 2016 presidential race, Donald Trump is already making America great again.
And as for Elijah Daniel, the young patriot behind what is perhaps both the greatest love story ever told and the longest, most vicious roast of a public personality unleashed in this century, this isn’t the first time he’s tried to improve the nation’s political sphere. In 2013, he submitted a petition to the White House asking that Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA” replace the national anthem. A true visionary.
Photo via Ted Eytan / Flickr (CC by 2.0) | Remix by Max Fleishman
