Here’s who the Internet is laughing at this week: A self-described “concerned Alberta mother” whose rap video attacking Canada’s new transgender-inclusive school guidelines is so absurd it’s actually great.
While opposition to the rights and safety of transgender children is no laughing matter, M. H. Wiebe’s attempt at rap is sure to induce LOLs for years to come. In the Internet of weird things, the saddest attempt at flow ever recorded is an instant classic.
Embedding was disabled on the original upload of the clip, but hip-hop fans fear not: The rap was quickly mirrored by everyone who could get their hands on it.
The team at Fusion was thoughtful (and patient) enough to transcribe every single soul-shattering word of the monstrous musical number.
Come on, come on? What’s all the fuss? Over transgender washrooms we discuss. Is this really, really, such the issue.
To focus and put our taxes to? Can we focus rather to educating,
Rather than mere facilitating. We should stop and calculate the cost,
While teachers jobs take cuts and loss. Are there six, perhaps, 13 in essence,
Children in Alberta who switch gender pretense. No, this is not the issue, To legislate. Or to pursue.
(pregnant pause)
(singing) This is just fender bender. All over sex and gender. Can we pick another issue. Then to change our bathrooms for a few.
(rapping) Listen, listen, to what I say. The animal kingdom is smarter this way.
The animals, oh, they lead with more guile. Their offspring keep their gender in the wild.
If we can’t address male and female. We’ve lost our purpose, in life we fail.
If our children lose their identity, This will be sad for our future, you see.
My heart goes to the fatherless and abused, And I guess that’s why we have some confused. I am concerned, mother of three. Keep male and female washrooms where our children can PEE!
(singing) This is just fender bender. All over sex and gender. Why make reality skewed. And create identity confused.
(rapping) Stand up, stand up, children of grace. Speak up and take your rightful place.
Mothers and fathers are the backbone of society. Why would we change legislation over notoriety.
If we change legislation, in a generation, Will result in anger, pain frustration. Why would we make life so grey? Please citizens, let’s seize the day!
(singing) This is just fender bender. All over sex and gender. What about our destiny? Can we bring stability?
Seize the day, seize the day! Fathers and mothers begin to pray! Seize the day, seize the day!
Speak up for children in this way! Seize the day, seize the day!
Fathers and mothers begin to pray! Seize the day, seize the day!
Speak up for children in this way! Seize the day, seize the day!
Fathers and mothers begin to pray! Seize the day, seize the day!
Speak up for children in this way! Seize the day! Seize the day!
The concerned mom’s charming Alberta accent makes transphobia seem like a cute, provincial “howdy” rather than the root of sweeping violence and murder. At the end of the video, she shouts out (if that’s what the hip-hoppers are calling it nowadays) the Canadian group Family Should Know, which opposes allowing transgender kids to use the bathroom that matches their gender. She also invites viewers to “Say no to Bill 10,” clearly confusing the recently released 2016 Alberta School Guidelines with the bill that passed in March 2015 allowing gay-straight alliance (GSA) clubs at all Alberta schools where students request them.
It should be stated that much of the rap grossly mismanages facts. For instance: Transgender bathroom access does not mean boys and girls are forced to pee together—it means that trans girls aren’t forced to pee with boys and trans boys aren’t all up in the ladies room. And despite one concerned Canadian mom’s alleged expertise on the animal kingdom, there are several species that have been known to show gender-fluid characteristics. There’s Mmamoriri, the trans lioness, that scientists discovered last year with a full mane (only male lions usually grow manes) as well as a “deeper and more masculine roar.” Several varieties of sea creatures (including but not limited to clownfish, moray eels, and wrasses) change gender as a rule. And a variety of animals from hyenas to bears and even some horses have been known to be intersex, meaning they have male and female sexual or chromosonal characteristics.
As so-called “bathroom bills” sweep North America (some expanding trans rights, some attempting to restrict them even further), transgender activists have been speaking out by taking selfies in bathrooms to illustrate the absurdity of laws that mandate people use the bathroom of their gender assignment at birth. Using hashtags like #WeJustNeedToPee and #Occupotty, the selfies help show what it would really be like if trans men are forced to use women’s restrooms and vice versa.
The most recent anti-trans law was proposed in Kansas last week, and suggested that students be allowed to sue their schools for $2,500 on each instance of having to share a bathroom with a fellow student who is transgender.
Screengrab via MHWiebe/Youtube
