Dating apps, social media, and technology may have completely transformed the ways we approach love, but there are still some debates that divide daters to this day. Namely, should a man always pay on the first date? Tradition dictates “yes,” but in an arguably post-patriarchal society, shouldn’t women pay too? Is the expectation for a man to pay all too heteronormative?
If a date is going perfectly right up until the bill arrives, TikToker Pearl Botts (@pearlbotts) shared an ingenious way of handling that awkward question of bill splitting while keeping both your pride and wallet intact.
In a video that has now amassed 6.8 million views as of Sunday Pearl said, “If a man wants to go 50/50 with you on a date do this.”
She then proceeded to feign a shocked gasp and said to her hypothetical date, “Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed right now. Um, wait you wanted to just be friends? I’m so confused, this whole entire time, I thought this was a date.”
@pearlbotts would u do this? #datingadvice #datingtips #datingmindset ♬ IT GIRL – Sped up Version – Aliyah’s Interlude
Presumably, the intended effect is for the man to feel emasculated and offer to pay in full, but viewers were divided by the implication that it only ‘counts’ as a date if the man pays.
“We women have to spend so much on our looks and what not,” one viewer pointed out. “They can at least pay for a damn date!”
“It’s like you took yourself on the date if you paid for yourself,” another added.
But other viewers seemed less convinced by Pearl’s hack and the idea that men should always pay on dates. “I think it’s disrespectful to me if he doesn’t let me pay my half,” one commenter shared. Another added that they thought it was “reasonable” to split on a first date. “Pay for yourself and you don’t owe anything to the other person,” they explained.
In the comments, viewers couldn’t seem to make up their minds about first-date etiquette, so much so that Pearl decided to make a second video expanding on her philosophy.
“It’s disrespectful and emasculating to the man to pay for yourself on a date,” she told viewers. “When you let a man have the great honor of taking care of you, you’re making space and giving him room to step into his divine masculinity.”
“It has nothing to do with my own capability to provide and pay for myself,” she added. “It is a gift to a man to allow him to take care of you.”
The Daily Dot reached out to Pearl via email for comment.
