Scrolling in the deep is a weekly column that defines internet slang you need to know to operate online. It runs on Wednesdays in the Daily Dot’s web_crawlr newsletter—but only our most dedicated readers get it.
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In today’s edition of Scrolling in the Deep, we tackle a phrase that isn’t quite slang but rather something online users say when they want to be messy without appearing downright mean. Scrolling through Twitter or TikTok, you may notice folks quoting videos or posts with, “I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this…” But what is “this?” Why do you want to hold my hand? And, most importantly, what’s with the ominous ellipses?
A passive-aggressive phrase meant to be advice
One phrase that comes close to the definition of “I’m gonna hold your hand…” is the ever-popular “Who’s gonna tell her?” Similar to Urban Dictionary’s definition of the latter phrase, “I’m gonna hold your hand” is someone trying to tell you something that may be obvious to others but not to you.
Sometimes the phrase can be used passive-aggressively, for instance when the user never elaborates on what the “this” is, trailing off to make their point emphatically. In other situations, folks use it to kindly alert you of something you may have been oblivious to. Online, the phrase is usually left as a comment under a video or as a commentary on someone’s opinion.
Where did it come from?
The origin of the phrase has yet to be officially defined by online dictionaries, but it appears to stem from an interview from two summers ago. In 2022, a “chef” went viral for her suspicious-looking “Pink Sauce” – a condiment she made and which eventually found its way on Walmart’s shelves. The controversy that followed propelled her onto the couches of Karamo Brown’s talk show.
During an interview on the Karamo Show, Chef Pii confronts one of her harshest critics. In the clip that has been reposted umpteenth times–and whose dialogue is now a soundbite on TikTok–Chef Pii holds her critic’s hand in her own before saying, “And I’m gonna touch your hand when I say this, when I told you you are not special, I meant that you are not special as someone trying to hurt me.” Years later, it seems the viral phrase has evolved into what it is today.
How to use ‘I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this”
“Holding your hand” can be taken two ways: the obvious “I’m going to be as nice as I can while I tell you this terrible thing,” or the infantilizing way: “I’m going to treat you like a child who needs handholding.” Either way, most use it to impart “tough love” advice by cushioning it with handholding.
Take TikToker Bria Jones, who opened her viral clip on dental hygiene with the phrase, saying, “I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this…if you’re not scraping your tongue in the morning…you’re nasty.”
On X, a user got roasted after sharing her outfits from when she was “emo.” Another user quoted her post with the phrase, essentially letting her know there’s no place on Gerard Way’s green earth where her outfits would be considered emo.
A more recent example is a tweet whose popularity earned it 8.4 million views in just a matter of days. Following the assassination attempt of former President Donald Trump, a user shared the photo of the shooter, asking, “Have you ever met a Republican that looks like this?”
To many, the question seemed so rhetorical and obvious that user @stanzipotenza’s response immediately went viral. With Stanzi’s “I’m gonna hold your hand” quote, they were implying most Republicans indeed do look that way.
So the next time you want to give some not-so-friendly advice or a passive-aggressive newsflash, feel free to hit ‘em with the “I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this.”
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