Going Boysober is a new trend popularized by TikTok that is more than just going celibate or taking a break from dating. The movement is described as a way to center yourself, prioritizing your own needs and wants over dating the wrong person just to be in a relationship for the sake of being in one.
What does it mean to be ‘Boysober’?
Being Boysober is a trend unrelated to gender or sexuality, but is rather a state of mind about one’s dating life—or in this case, lack thereof—and focusing on oneself and sex positivity instead of being in a relationship. This idea has become especially prevalent with the app fatigue that comes from online dating in modern times, or just dating in general.
Who is Hope Woodard?
The meme-y phrase “Boysober” was coined online by Broolyn-based comedian Hope Woodard, although the original phrase came from her younger sister, as stated in her first video in her Boysober TikTok highlight. Woodward is an active advocate for the movement and shares her own experiences on her TikTok channel, @justhopinalong.
@justhopinalong And thts why im still #boysober ♬ original sound – Hope Woodard
The New York Times featured an article all about the 27-year-old comedian and her movement in February 2024, where she said that she was always raised to be a people-pleaser, but is now focusing on herself and learning how to say, “No.”
@justhopinalong This is a disaster
♬ original sound – Hope Woodard
“I’m a little bit angry at myself and angry at all the sex that I’ve had that I feel like I didn’t choose. For the first time ever, I just feel like I have ownership over my body,” Woodard told the NYT.
How popular is celibacy?
The idea of celibacy, which is only one element of Boysober, is a longstanding one, with mixed opinions on the actual concept. In the Catholic church, priests and nuns swear to stay celibate as part of their faith, which can be seen as an act of self-denial to “suffer” for a purpose. Incels, or involuntary celibates, are defined by one scholarly article as, “a loose collection of individuals who are experiencing sexlessness despite their desire to be active.”
A third group, however, is those who choose the celibate lifestyle as a form of self-love, to learn more about themselves and who they are as people before potentially putting themselves back out into the realm of dating. Or ever, if they decide they like who they are as a single person and decide to keep it that way.
According to Psychology Today, “Voluntary celibacy appears to be a common practice among adults today, with about 1 in 6 women and 1 in 10 men saying that have chosen to take a break from sex and dating.”
Actress Suki Waterhouse, who was celibate in 2023 before getting into her relationship with Robert Pattinson, said in a Driven Minds: A Type 7 podcast episode, “It’s just something about taking away the chaos of receiving attention, having to deal with it and texting people and getting those lurches of excitement. No dates, no nothing. It turned out to be great. I got very clear and got very comfortable with being by myself—then I ended up meeting my boyfriend.”
The Boysober TikTok trend
The Boysober TikTok trend started by Hope Woodard has spread, and even though the phrase hasn’t existed for long, folks are embracing the idea, from the average young person to celebrities such as American model and actress Emily Ratajkowski, Suki Waterhouse, and more.
@justhopinalong The official boysober rules lmk if you had questions or feedback
♬ original sound – Hope Woodard
Other folks on TikTok have shared their short-lived or decades-long experiences with being Boysober.
@gabriellarongstad yappin about the struggles of being single, i hope someone can relate 🤍🫱🏻🫲🏼 #boysober #singlelife #datinginyour20s #datingstruggles #hopelessromantic #iwantaboyfriend #grwm #makeuproutine #relatable #datingadvice #single #girlies #girladvice ♬ original sound – Gabriella
@earthendaughter How to be boysober and give up all our addictions? Kidding, no but actually i think theres a theme 🤪 #boysober #dating #sugaraddiction #mindfulness #meditation ♬ original sound – Rochelle Jamila
