It’s an age-old question that has torn humanity apart for over a decade: Who did let the dogs out?
Fifteen years ago, the Baha Men changed the face of music with “Who Let the Dogs Out.” It was the anthem of the summer of 2000, and no party was safe. Everywhere you went, you heard barking as music. Car stereos were plagued with “yippie yi yo.” In remembrance of the song that never really got out of our heads—or our hearts—I’ve attempted to figure out who really did let the dogs out. And I believe I’ve discovered the answers to what may be the greatest mystery in America.
Let us begin with the music video:
Is this woman the one that let the dogs out?
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No.
Is this man the one who let the dogs out?
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No.
Is this woman the one that let the dogs out?
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Once again, no. For the answers, we must return to the beginning. The story begins simply, at a doggy daycare.
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While on the job, a security guard is distracted by what looks like a knockoff of the then-popular show Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, which asks the contestant the identity of the dog out-letter.
Could this man on the show be a decoy to distract the guard, giving the dogs the opportunity to get out? It’s possible, but unlikely. He appears to be an entity separate from the puppy breakout. If anything, this man represents us, the viewer: dying to know let them out, yet consumed by the panic that the question has become public.
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Take a look at the first scene, where we see the dogs breaking out of doggy daycare:
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See that on the door? That’s a doorknob. Something only able to be functionally turned by a opposable thumbs. So either a monkey or human had to have opened the door, but I’m leaning toward human.
But wait, while you watch the music video, there are several red flags.
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For most of the Baha Men, we never see their eyes. Why is this? My theory is that the Baha Men themselves are the dogs.
That’s right.
Crooning ‘who let the dogs out’ is the ultimate way to keep their secret identity as canines from being sniffed out. They’re hiding in plain site. My guess is that these men from Baja must experience heterochromia, where one’s eyes are two different colors, a phenomenon most prevalent in dogs. They’re hiding their eyes so that we don’t figure out that their variant eye colors.
Don’t believe me? I’ve got much more. Later in the video, there’s a lot more fishiness:
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It’s peculiar. These dogs just disappear, and out of nowhere humans appear. But look closely: the dogs are transforming into the Baha Men. The answers have been in front of us for 15 long years. We’ve just been too duped by all that woofing to put the clues together.
But why, and how? Well, it seems that the Baha Men are able to indulge in their most canine fantasies and indulges in pooch form, like terrorizing the mailman. Who doesn’t want to give the U.S. Postal Service some shit for losing letters and making us wait in those long winding lines at the post office?
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As for the how, there’s several possibilities. Perhaps they are Animagi, a group of men brought together by the power of Baha to then become animal shapeshifters, like Harry Potter’s dad James’s group of friends, who could all turn into furry forms.
But interestingly enough, the show Animorphs ended just several moments before “Who Let the Dogs Out?” was released. Coincidence? I think not. The Baha Men must actually be fellow Animorphs tasked with taking down the evil Visser Three and fellow minion Yeerks, a breed of parasitic aliens desiring Earth’s destruction. This is why the Baha Men are asking “who let the dogs out,” even though they clearly know the answer. They are simply trying to distract us so that their secret identities as defenders of this world are not found out.
Who let the dogs out? The Baha Men, who are themselves the dogs, did. The culprits and the benefactors are one and the same. It all comes together. And woof, is the answer a doozy.
Illustration by Fernando Alfonso III
